selfishness and parenthood

Just a few more thoughts on selfishness and parenthood. Please note that the following comments only apply to the standard majority of parents throughout human history--not the exceptional crazies.

In my previous entry I referred to a past girlfriend who was a psych major. We will call her "Samantha" because that is her name and I have long gotten over calling her other things.

Samantha and I would often have conversations about why people have kids. Her position was that she had never heard any reason given by someone that was not, ultimately, selfish. We would go over various reasons, and she would deconstruct them and illustrate how any given reason was actually self-serving. I didn't have the information to contradict her.

whether she has had children by now or not, I am confident that Samantha has come across the two fatal flaws in her argument

1. Everyone but the saints are controlled to a degree by a fallen ego so to say that selfishness taints our decisions is about as insightful as saying that green visible light waves are necessary for photosynthesis--duh.
2. The answer to her argument is found in the actual act of having a child. An act which goes a long, painful way towards burning off a great deal of our selfish crust. I mean, I am still a selfish person, but David makes that selfishness frequently painful and glaring. Regardless of what "reasons" one might have for having children, the selfish aspect starts to lose water at about the time the water breaks.

If anyone out there is holding off on having children because the "reasons" seem bad, or because the "reasons" against it seem "reasonable" I would suggest a little experiment: have one and then revisit those reasons from the other side.

the nyt is self absorbed

This New York Times article on mommy blogs kind of chaps me for two reasons.

1) Even though I love Dooce and think Leta is wonderful and even though I don't get 40,000 readers to my blog, David is way cuter.

2) Poorly researched, and dripping with coastal superiority. I have a really hard time believing that of the aprox. 8,000 parenting blogs, a significant number of people aren't blogging for the same reason I am--we have friends and family scattered around the globe with varying levels of interest in what is going on with the family. We have a good education that made decent writers out of us and the blog is a great tool for keeping everyone as up-to-date as they want to be. To quote half-a-dozen psychologists saying that baby blogs are just more indication that today's parents are self-absorbed is, frankly, crap. I dated a psychology major once who would say something like that and honestly, only a PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR COULD CONCEIVE THE IDEA THAT PARENTHOOD IS SELF-ABSORBING.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

David is learning how to say "Tuff," the name of the resident horse dog.

narcissist

(he's been here since last week)

cause, effect

You say "hi" or "'bye," David waves.

expensive latté

After a meeting in Lawrence today, I decide that I need a hazelnut latté.

I head for the closest of several coffee joints within spitting-distance of each other in downtown Lawrence--La Prima Tazza. What luck that just as I drive up, a car parked right in front vacates a parking space. That is a relevant fact later in our story.

As I approach the counter, a guy was having a conversation with the barista who is obviously a friend. I only catch the very last line of the conversation, but I step right in

Guy: "I like the hazelnut flavor."
Barista: [mystified look of disdain]
Me: "Me too! I'd like a hazelnut latté, please"
Barista: "Ok. Would you like a mystified look of disdain as well?"
Me: That's fine, but it may affect your tip
Barista: [perky affectation] "I love hazelnut too!"
Guy: "Hey, I never considered that your negative attitude might actually affect what you get paid. I just assumed is was all part of the package."
Me: "They don't call it "La Pre-ma-tentious for nothing."

The now-chipper barista brews me a lovely hazelnut latté. It costs $3.00. After our conversation, I feel obligated to tip, so I put a dollar in the till. Then, I head for the car. As I mentioned, I pulled in just as someone pulled out. It didn't even occur to me to check the meter--it would still have time left over, right? Besides, I am not going to get a ticket in the five minutes that it takes to froth a latté, right?

Wrong
Wrong

The standard $2.00 ticket with convenient yellow envelope is pinned underneath the windshield wipers.

All-told--a $6.00 latté. Half-way through, I remember that it is Friday and I should not even be drinking lattés.

ball

Yeah, David's new word is "ball." We are pretty sure he knows what it means. The other day, he said "ba" and we offered him both a bottle and a ball, and he chose the ball.

But that is his only word. So it doesn't mean just "ball." It has to mean everything else as well, right? He says it and not only does he get one of a variety of spherical toys, he gets everyone in the room participating in an extended, one-word conversation. So he repeats ball over and over and over again. One time out of ten, he really does actually get something close to an "L" at the end. It's more of a "W" really. "Bahwa"

So, all our conversations lately have been like this:

David: "ba"
Jaime: "ball!"
Me: "ball!"
Mom: "ball!"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Jaime: "ball!"
Alex: "ball!"
Mom: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Alex: "ball!"
Mom: "ball!"
Me: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Mom: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Jaime: "ball!"
Me: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Mom: "ball!"
Me: "ball!"
Jaime: "ball!"
Mom: "ball!"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Me: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Mom: "ball!"
Jaime: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Me: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Mom: "ball!"
Jaime: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Mom: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Jaime: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Me: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
Jaime: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
Me: "ball!"
Mom: "ball!"
Alex: "ball!"
D: "ba"
D: "ba"
D: "dodecahedron"
Me: "ball"

I expect the dog to start saying "ball" any minute.

sick dog

Abigail, the resident Beagle, has been sick. Mom and Alex took her to the vet, who said that she had stones in her bladder that need to come out. She had surgery and is back home and is pathetic:



I imagined that she would be getting some little pebble kinds of things out. This is what they took out of her:



Not the quarter, that came out of my pocket for reference.

Ten and counting

Just thought, with today being David's ten month since birthday day, I would post a quicky.

Funny moment for the week: I put him in the crib to get his bath ready. When I came back I found him sitting down with a bink in his mouth and one in each hand, clapping them together like an organ player's monkey.

Sleeping update: He Slept Through The Night Last Night. Probably won't happen again for another six months. It's really a shame that you miss the nights he sleeps through the night because you slept through it as well. It's like missing Santa or the Easter Bunny.

Words: He has a word folks! Baa(l). Yup, the little one can say Ball. We know its ball and not bottle because when he says the word and you hold up the ball and bottle he goes for the ball. He is also getting really good with da da and it seems to mean daddy, mamama still means "I dislike something and a non-specified someone better change something soon".

He is a pro at crawling and cruising around anything he can pull himself up on. So far this week he has pulled the dinning room chair on top of himself twice and the baby gate once. He would like to report he is in fine condition and was not hurt during any of these dare devil tricks.

For those that deserved a phone call containing this update, I am sorry. School started this week and once again I am super busy. I did receive a nice notice in the mail the other day stating that Jamie Gilbert made the president's honor role. I am looking forward to finding her and giving her the good news.

Good night all and heres hopin' the sleep Santa visits again.

grit

Once again, dooce (pg13) reminds me of something that I forgot to mention about David. Back when he had four teeth to rub together, he began doing so.

Ughgh.

couple of recent shots

he's crawling now

You can breathe a sigh of relief; the boy crawls. I would like to thank you for your prayers and support through these dark hours.

Cue "Jaws" theme:

pixar is incredible

Below, I've excerpted the last two paragraphs of Frederica Mathewes-Green's review of "The Incredibles" and linked to the full article. Read these two paragraphs carefully, please. They lay out a pretty good criteria for the books, videos, and toys that I would like my kids to have.

NRO: The Incredibles: "Most kids' entertainment is about kids. Pixar movies are about adults. They show children what adults are supposed to do - to be brave and self-sacrificing, to defend children even at risk to themselves, to give even in the face of ingratitude. This is wise because, after all, children aren't going to remain children. Just as we encourage them daily to grow in the practical skills of adulthood, they'll need these kind of skills too if they are going to be faithful, responsible spouses and parents.

"Many kids sitting in theater seats don't have a daddy like Nemo's, who would go to the end of the ocean to save their lives. They don't have a daddy like Dash and Violet's, who can be crushed only by the thought that he has lost them, and whose strength rebounds instantly when he learns they need his help. These kids don't have daddy-figures like Woody and Mike and Sullivan, who love and guard the children who enter their care. They don't have a daddy like that, but one day they may be a daddy like that, or have a clear idea of the kind of future daddy they need to marry. If this is all that Pixar has done, it has done a most eminent thing. "

Zoto :: Where You Take Your Photos.

Success. Zoto seems to be a winner. It is a service that provides a way to post images to the blog that is better than "Hello" or "Buzznet." Additionally, I can email the photos to Zoto to be posted on the blog.

I recommend it. Specifically, I recommend it to Skylar.

Additionally, before posting image to the blog, I have to put them in a gallery, where they are stored for all the world to see. Click on the photo in the previous post and you will be taken to that gallery. Bookmark it, and never return here again.

One flaw. Unlike Ofoto, this service doesn't seem to save the original high-res image that you can order as a print.

Sorry, grandma Susie.

IF ANYONE IS LISTENING OUT THERE! PLEASE, SHOW ME A SERVICE THAT PROVIDES THE PRINTING FEATURES OF OFOTO AND THE BLOGGING FEATURES OF ZOTO!

Anyway, learn more about it here.

Later, photo fans.

In fact, the Zoto beta has failed me. I no longer recommend it.

messing with photos again

Once again, I am tinkering with ways to publish photos to this blog. Perhaps this is annoying, but my goal is to provide a way that is so easy that I will be inclined to publish lots of photos. Additionally, I would like to provide a place where you can just look at pictures, if you would like, and not worry about my rambling.

plug

Do you use Internet Explorer or Safari and wish that they were both better?

I did. Then I found Firefox. It has the best features of both of the others and tons of cool stuff that neither of them have. So I am doing my part to spread the word.

Go and get it.



"But I have my bookmarks set up in my current browser." Firefox will automatically transfer your EI or Netscape bookmarks/favorites. Safari users can use a Safari bookmark exporter.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

David is teething again.

Tickle me David

This week I've had a napping breakthrough with "he who will not sleep" (at least, not when I want him too). We told the babysitter last week we'd like her to try to stress a nap in the morning. He has now established a pattern of napping from 11am to noonish. He comes home, eats lunch, plays on the floor with his mommy (that's me!) and then around 2:30 or 3:00 we head for the bed. I snuggle him up next to me and start to eat his little fat fingers. The giggles that pour forth melt my heart. I tickle his tummy and back and munch on his fingers and arms until we drift off to sleep. This special time with him restores my soul and fills me with joy.

Believe it or not he will go to sleep for the night around 7 or 8, even if he wakes up from the last nap at 5:30. No more fussing or fighting at nap time and bed time.

But, if life were a bed of roses I'd be too content to post this blog. The Doctor told us on Tuesday to increase his formula feedings during the day and to stop feeding him at night so as to encourage our wee one to Sleep Through The Night. Yeah, right.

We decided to give him a bottle at bedtime and when he first wakes up, between 11 and midnight. Then nothing but water until morning. Remember how you're not supposed to give Gremlins water or food after midnight. Well David turns into a Gremlin if you only give him water after midnight. The pattern for the last THREE nights is to wake up around 2 or 3 and cry/scream until after 4am.

News Flash son: School starts next week and I hear baby boys bounce. Here's hoping my son gets the hint in the next few nights. Mom may not be as understanding when she is deprived of her soul rejuvenating Tickle me David nap.

mobility update

Crawling, he is doing it
David will now crawl properly for short, but increasing, distances. When he really needs to cover ground, he goes back to the soldier crawl. I am content with that. At least he will be able to read abridged versions of literature.

Walking, yes and no
So, it happened like this. Grandma Susie bought him this:



Jaime put it together, sure that he would hold on to the handle and walk with it. I was sure that he would hold on the the handle as it rolled away from him and keep holding that handle as his face hit the floor.

I was wrong. I can see your look of surprise.

He grabbed the handle, I let go. He was off. Walking. With blocks.

Stopping is not so easy. He moves pretty quickly across the floor with very little control until the Walker hits a wall, stopping him. Then he's mad. He yells and cries and keeps moving his feet to keep walking. It looks like he is stomping them in a tantrum.

On Grandpa Gary's carpet, he has a little more control. I am remember that this is how I learned to roller skate. I would practice on the carpet until I was confident enough to get out on the waxed wood rink of death. I could fall with equal lack of grace on both surfaces.

Flying
Not yet. But let me tell you, when he decides to wake up at three in the morning, he is lucky that our windows are sealed for winter.

Later, mobile fans.

what I want for father's day

I'm going to be the worst father ever T-Shirt

(note, "The Onion" is PG13 content)

Like father, like son

This evening our friend Al took the three of us out to dinner. Afterwards Jason and Al enjoyed a large bowl of ice cream. David was getting fussy as it was 2 hours past his bedtime so I told Jason to give him a bite of ice cream to see how he would like it. The look on his face was classic. It was as if he was saying "how could something so good be so D*** cold". Soon that face was followed by a look of "if you want to live you had better keep the cold stuff coming". He cried when Jason tried to hide the bowl. Finally I had to take David away from the table so dad could finish his dessert in peace. As we walked away the last of the ice cream dribbled down his chin.

Its a good thing Sams sells Bryer's in the five gallon tubs. I think we'll need them in the future.

now he gets eggrolls

New teeth have sprouted on either side of David's upper teeth. This brings the total to six.

movin' on up.

Earlier today at the babysitter's house:

Sitter: "Did you know David can climb stairs?"
Me: " . . . "
Sitter: "He was sitting at the bottom of the stairs when [her two-year-old son] and the cat ran up the stairs. So he started climbing up them. He got to about the third step and they came running back down--"
Me:"And then he was stuck, right?"
Sitter:"yeah."

crawling

I try very hard to discount anonomous research from which reporters draw conclusions intended to make me feel bad about myself. But this one just will not let go of me:

Do babies really need to exercise? The facts and questions about Wee Exercise video's: "Research shows that crawling is not only linked to reading skills but that children who miss the crawling stage may exhibit learning difficulties later on."

I try to be relaxed about it, but it is driving me crazy that David won't "crawl" properly.

holiday images

Sorry for the long silence. I figure that I had better make up for it with images. Following is but a small sample of all of the pictures taken over the holidays.

Thanksgiving with Jaime's family at the Bristol in Kansas City. Pictured here is Samuel, David's second cousin, with his parents Cary and Michelle.

Thanksgiving family picture with Grandpa Steve, Grandma Suzie, Great Grandma Lillian , mom, and dad.

Christmas morning with Grandma Carla. David is sporting fresh new chucks from Aunt Skylar.

"we have seen a star in the East. . ."

With Grandpa Brice

With Uncle Cory

Posing for mom.

Christmas afternoon with Great Grandma Lillian and Great Aunt Marilyn.

Eating a leaf on the sidewalk in Lawrence while Dad buys a loaf of the best bread in the country.

New-Year's Eve with Fr. Joseph.