Eternal Earthbound Pets replies

Much to my surprise, one of the principles of Eternal Earthbound Pets replied to my email. Except that he didn't reply to my email, he replied in the comments to my blog post about the email. You can read it in context there or, um right here, with a couple of editorial comments.

Hmmm..yes, I see your email in my business partners trash: jasonxxxxxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

He handled inquires for West of the Mississippi. We now only have one email address. I handle all contacts: eternal-earthbound-pets@msn.com.

I guess given the publicity and volume of mail we were getting in August/Sept he didn't feel your inquiry merited the time to respond. Reading your letter in detail now, I can porobably understand why. But I'll undertake to answer it now.

So, you don't believe in Rapture doctrine yet you spent an inordinate amount of typing and explaining the fictional doctrine of Rapture believers for us... as though we are unschooled in the various end times interpretations. Thanks for that.

He is making that up. my whole letter is barely 16 sentences and the only "explaining" I do is about two sentences to set immediate context for my question. Hardly an inordinate amount of time. I would not presume to know more about Rapture and Tribulation theology than anyone else who has studied it. I used to know more than I do now, but those parts of my brain have been given over to details about childcare and SQL.

There are opposing opinions as to what the Tribulation would be like. According to interpretation of Revelation more than 1/3rd of the world's population will be spared/survive the 7 yrs; and those willing to accept the sign of the beast will beable to conduct business, share in commerce, etc. But frankly, since the potential of such doctrine being real is perhaps 1 in 500 Billion, we don't concern ourseves with the nightmarish myths of the deluded.

Your comment about anti-christian propaganda frankly falls under the same heading. In fact, given that atehsists are nothing if not realists and pragmatists, it would be hard to deny our error in the event of dead corpses rising out of the grave, et al.

Thus, if we have rejected the imaginary propaganda of theists because it is devoid of any evidence now, how much easier would it be to dismiss as false the so called anti-christian propaganda you claim will follow the rapture when prima fascia evidence for theistic belief being true would have been observable? Your dicotomy is invalid and patently silly.

I am sort of disappointed on this point. My dichotomy is patently silly? The whole Eternal Earthbound Pets concept, and my entire response is patently silly. Either my letter too silly or poorly-executed to be actually be funny, like jokes David makes up, or it is just not a funny joke, period. Oh, well. They can't all land.

Finally, may I recommend that you start your own business and offer $50.00 pet euthanasia coverage in lieu of pet rescue. As a christian yourself evidently you perceive a greater value in death than life, or figure rapture believers to be so inclined. Infact, why stop with pets? For $100.00 you can offer to euthanise "leftbehind" christians whose families beamed up when they didn't.

Crap, I wish I had thought of that. It sounds like the premise of a SyFy channel series, like Dexter, but with Kirk Cameron.

Not being a death cultist, which is the mainstay of Christian belief, I don't put an awful lot of thought into such matters. I'm simply offering a service to those death cultists who care about their pets, and want inexpensive insurance that I am certain to a degree of approx. 500 billion to 1 I will never have to execute.

So, there's your answer. Sorry it's so late.

So there is their answer. Sorry it took me so long to bring attention to it. I got busy with holiday stuff.

Oh, and happy New Year/Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord/Feast of St. Basil the Great. This Christmastime has been so high-effort with the weather and a sick wife, that I decided to pass on proper commemoration of the new year other than watching "Stardust" and drinking some port (which I probably would have done anyway given that I have tomorrow off).

My letter to Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

I sent the following in an email to Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA

Dear Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA

As an Eastern Orthodox Christian, I don't believe in an a Rapture scenario like that made popular by the recent "Left Behind" books; however, I have some questions about your business.

Among Rapture theorists are those who believe that the Rapture will occur before a period of intense tribulation. According to the "Pre-Tribs," this will be a period of war, disaster, famine, oppression, etc. etc. Pets are suddenly going be pretty low on the list of priorities--especially someone else's pets. Animals are going to be valued as much for meat as companionship. Plus, you say in your FAQs that you are nice folks and open-minded, but in the post-Rapture tribulation, there is going to be LOTS of persuasive anti-Christian propaganda. Many fewer people are open-minded during times of extreme hardship. Furthermore, it may be flat out illegal to have a contract with Christians or to take care of their property. I'm curious to know if you have given any thought to this issue?

Lastly, considering what a bum trip the Tribulation is expected to be, there may be those who do not want their pets to live through it. Have you considered an alternative service where, for $50, you will promise to euthanize their pets? I know that seems cruel, but if the whole Rapture/Tribulation scenario plays out, it would be doing them a favor unless you believe that a dog has a soul AND you believe that our souls are purified by tribulation. But then I doubt you would be a Pre-Trib. Besides tribulation is meant to bring us to repentance and how would a dog repent?

Thank you for listening.

Jason , Topeka, Kansas

I'll let you know if they reply.