inertia

If you ask David to please back up, which you will have to do if you are holding anything that is interesting to him, he will simply walk backwards until he encounters an equal or greater force.

Fortunately, when he was backing towards the front porch steps, the force with which I grabbed him was equal to or greater than that of gravity.

it's just me

David is playing with the baby/dog gate when I get home. He has been told not to, so I take it away. This upsets him and he begins to cry. I ask him to go upstairs, please, so that he can play while I talk to Jaime and change clothes. He dallies at the bottom of the stairs, so I pick him up, which sends him.

When I set him down in the bedroom he is wailing and screaming with such intensity he can hardly breath and he falls slowly and dramatically to the floor where he screams and kicks his feet. Jaime and I are dutifully ignoring him, but it ain't working. Finally, she sits down in the rocking chair. He gets up and walks to her, flopping down in her lap, still sobbing. She asks him what is wrong.

Wailing, he replies, "Daaaadddddyyyyyy! (sob) Daaaaaadddddyyyy."

Walk

Walk
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David and I went for a walk this evening and I took the camera. As

usual, this image is looking glass that will transport you to a world

of images with a click of your ruby mouse (if I may mix my metaphors).

a little humor for your collective unconscious

I came up with this last night:

Q: Why can't the Society for Jungian Studies meet their budget?

A: Because, they are a free association!

shrill

You know that sound you can make with a balloon that you inflate and then allow the air to excape as you pull the nozzle flat and tight? A high-pitched, nails on chalk-board sound? Now, imagine that sound turned up to eleven. David has learned to make that sound. It means, "I don't want to be held by you, I want to be held by mommy."

autumn

Autumn, the most nostalgic season, is drifting in. It brings a cool dampness that conjures a longing for evenings with a book and hot chocolate, hay rides, pumpkins, hot soup. It signifies rest: "you've had a hot busy summer. Time to sleep out the cold and darkness that is around the corner." Nevertheless, I am sad to see autumn arrive and the days get short. David, Jaime, and my best times together are outdoors--usually walks to the park in the evenings. When the sun is down before six, we simply won't be able to do that and David is going to be sorely cramped.

It rained all night and the world was a uniform light gray this morning. On Wednesdays, Jaime leaves early, so I stay home to take David to the sitter's. I dressed him in long pants and sleeves and put actual shoes and socks on him rather than his normal Robeez moccasins. We were ready before it was time to leave, so I sat down and leafed through the most recent Andy Goldsworthy book from the Library. Eventually, David crawled into my lap and leaned back against my chest to look at it with me. I taught him "cairn." Goldsworthy works outdoors, so he deals a lot with seasons. When he creates a permanent outdoor piece, he photographs it in each season. The particular piece David and I were looking at is in Goldsworthy's home village in Scotland--a country that seems perpetually autumnal to me.

When it was time to go, I helped David put his windbreaker on and pulled up the hood to keep rain off his head. As I got my own raincoat out of the closet, he stood quietly watching me, smiling. The hood framed his face, hiding his nearly bald head and making him look older. His hands were hidden in the sleeves. His unusual stillness, the smile, and his attentiveness gave him the appearance of contentment and trust: "I'm happy to be here, Dad, thanks for taking care of me." Maybe it was the weather, maybe it is that time of the month, but I was deeply moved by David simply standing there, waiting for me to put on my coat.

After I left him at the sitter's with a goodbye kiss, I walked down the street to my car and admired the scene around me--gray, wet, and vivid green. We have many enormous trees in our neighborhood--including an oak that canopies the street where I was walking. We also have many old houses, brick sidewalks, etc. There is always an atmosphere of history and nostalgia that was enhanced this morning by the weather. Naturally, I felt inspired:

cool gray nostalgia
damp brown leaves plaster the street
my boy smiles at me

18 months

I recall posting many months ago (I'm too lazy to search) how I liked it when David smiled with a pacifier in his mouth, because you can still see the smile in his eyes and the rest of his face.

This morning, we were having breakfast and he was drinking from his Nuby. He tipped the plastic cup up far enough to get liquid through the nub, so I was looking at the bottom of it with most of his face obscured. I ducked down and skooched up close so that I was essentially hidden from his line of vision by the cup. Keeping it in his mouth, he lowered enough to see me, smiled, and said, "boo."

How to charm me? Well, not by insisting on giving your graham crackers to the dog no matter how much trouble you and she get in for that kind of behavior.

My men

This afternoon Jason and I were in the kitchen talking before I left to study at the library. On the way out I gave Jason a kiss. David watched from across the dinning room. After we were finished David came running across the room saying "kiss! kiss!". I bent down and he gave me a wet kiss, ran off, came right back, and kissed me again. After crossing the room he headed right back and demanded more kisses, then he went over to daddy and gave him a wet one.

I don't know about you guys but I sure feel the love.

xoxoxo

whatcha doin'?

David stands in the dining room, slightly bent over, grunting quietly.

Nina: "Whatcha doin', David?"
David: "Poopin'"

early thirties revelation

I'm pretty sure that understanding of html now surpasses my understanding of Frenchl.

tickled

david-nina2.jpg
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David's first cousins once removed were in town last month and shot some photos of David and Nina.

david-nina1.jpg
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

david-nina3.jpg
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

david-nina4.jpg
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

update!

This morning, David and I are brushing our teeth together. At one point, I hold up one finger to him. He says, "one." I proceed to open the rest of my fingers in sequence as he continues, "two, three, four, five." Then I let go my toothbrush and indicate six using both hands.

"One," he says.

We finish up, I take him downstairs, sit him on the sofa/devan/couch/whatever, and get the video camera. I point it at him and hold up one finger so that both my hand and David are in the frame.

Now, I have about two minutes of jumpy video with my hand in the foreground while, in the back ground, David, whines and mumbles something as he crawls off of the sofa and tries to get to the camera.

I think one of the dogs peed on the green chair.

later numerous fans

five guys i envy

Just a quick shout out to five guys who's motivation I envy. Check out what they are working on. NOTE, I don't vouch for these links as "family-friendly."

1. My brother-in-law, Grant is making it happen as an artist in Seattle.
2. Valorie's husband, Ed is a writer/game developer as well as father of twins.
3. My old friend Jay, who's designing great Web sites and still painting.
4. High school classmate Dave, who is making films. He is the one who shot the balloon footage.
5. Kris Ariel, the son of a friend of my father moved to China and opened a cafe.
   

Now, don't get me wrong, none of these guys has Jaime and David, so they have plenty of reason to envy me as well. Also, I don't necessarily envy what they are doing; I envy the motivation it take to initiate the sorts of creative projects they have.

Later, envious fans

one

When I get home this evening, I am holding David and Nina says, "David. . . one"
David replies, "Two, three, four . . . five."
I am stunned.
Later, I am in the kitchen and Nina calls to me. I walk out and she is giggling but I don't see David. I walk towards the living room and just as I get adjacent to the door from the living room to the foyer, I see David hiding behind the door barely able to contain his laughter. He jumps out and we run around the first floor a couple of times hiding from each other. At one point he is behind the door again and I can hear him "two, three, four, five."
I suspect the babysitter is playing hide-and-seek with him.

later, hidden fans

fair ophelia

CNN Headline

Ophelia downgraded to tropical storm

Storm idling off the Carolinas

The article describes the storm as "indecisive" saying, "Ophelia had been following a wandering course since it became a tropical storm Wednesday off the coast of Florida."

My prediction: the storm will be heard to sing

And will he not come again?
And will he not come again?
No, no, he is dead:
Go to thy death-bed:
He never will come again.
His beard was as white as snow,
All flaxen was his poll:
He is gone, he is gone,
And we cast away moan:
God ha' mercy on his soul!
And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be wi' ye.

Then, she'll wander out to sea and die.

Expect revenge from tropical storm Laertes next season.

pop

pop
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David: "balloon?"

Me: "It's all gone."

D: "'gin (again)"

M: "I can't, it's broken"

D: "More?"

M: "It's broken, like the stick."

D: "balloon?"

switch to the left! switch to the right! corperate greed we'll fight fight fight!

toggle
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

As I mentioned, the turn signal switch broke and getting a new one would require being included in six-party talks in asia. Instead, Grandpa Gary installed this toggle switch on our dash. I love it.

Now, we need rockets.

lighten up

That last photo reminds me. I have been looking at my blog on some
other of your computers and notice that some of your screen settings
are a lot darker than mine. That last photo is pretty dark already, so
if you have problems seeing it, lighten up your screen.

airplane!

airplane!
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Today, we went to the Combat Air Museum so David could get over his "balloon!" fix with an "airplane!" fix. Kind of like a methadoneclinic. Here he is in front of my favorite-- the Beech SNB-5.

huff n puff

Yesterday evening, David, Nina, and I went to the hot-air balloon rally. David said "balloon" about 300 times. I didn't take the camera, but Dave Uhler brought his. Dave is a high school class mate and videographer for the Capital Journal. You can see his stuff on page three. That's a joke--specifically, it is his joke.

If you have high-speed internet, Quicktime, and about 10 minutes, check out his video. Special treat about 1/4 from the end.

Later, balloon fans.

real boys climb

Nowhere does David look so much like a little boy than when he is climbing. The stairs have always been his favorite toy. At the park is "rock" wall--a sort of plastic stepped thing that is nearly-but not quite vertical. He has pretty much mastered it. There is something about the deliberate concentration, the pushing up with his calf muscles, the pulling with his upper arms that makes him look very grown up.

We were at a different park this evening. As most of you know, standard play ground equipment is now designed by people who had hamsters as kids. As adults they have applied the hamster play-area principle to children, creating large, rambling contraptions of brightly-colored plastic and steel with tunnels, chains, slides, and other toys. They are designed for kids of almost all ages with simple things down low for toddlers to manipulate and tall, twisty-tube slides up high for the bigger kids. Ad a Nintendo play-station for the teens and an HD TV in front of a barka-lounger for dad, and it would be true fun for the whole family. They cleverly keep kids away from age-inappropriate areas by making the access difficult--ladders and walls require you to be of a certain height and dexterity to get to a more challenging toy. So simple steps could get David to the little boring slides made for newbies but the middle-height twisty slide required climbing up on to a 24-inch-high platform. A helper-bar is attached half-way up the face. So David goes to this little wall/big step, leans as far out across the platform as possible, sticks his little fingers into the holes in the flooring and holds his weight while he gets one foot up on the helper bar. Then he pushes with that foot and pulls with his fingers until he can swing his other leg up and over.

Again, the concentration, effort, dexterity, and muscle definition suddenly conspire to whisk the baby-David away and replace him with a real boy.

God grant him many years!

Today is David's name day. Please all join us in celebrating*.

*reading this blog entry fulfills your celebration requirement

laissez les bon temp reboot

It's terrible that the New Orleans was destroyed. Fortunately, we still have the old Orleans as backup (click on "satelite"). It is, however, infected with the French.

shy david in the windy city

I should be working, or sleeping, but I am in a blogging mood. David and I spent the weekend with Grandpa Brice in Salina, Kansas. "Salina" is Native American for "hold on to your feathers." The place is never without a steady 30 mph breeze. Jaime went to Grandpa Gary's in KC so that he could fix our car and she could read the several books that she has been assigned to complete by tomorrow.

David wouldn't ever just come out and say it, but he was not very comfortable being so far from mom for so long. So he was a little fussy and anti-social at times. But I don't think it was terrible. He offered plenty of happy times. It is part of a developing pattern, though. He is starting to get increasingly upset when his mom leaves his presence and he is getting quieter around strangers. I believe this is all normal.

We went to a couple of parks and played on slides and fed ducks. Papa Brice brought bread for the ducks, but David ate most of what we gave him to give the ducks. He said "thank you" and shoved it in his mouth. He was super-thrilled to see real, live, ducks though. "Ducks! Ducks! Ducks! Quack quack! Quack quack! Ducks!"

At one point an Hispanic toddler attempted to abscond with our stroller. When I intercepted him, he explained to me what he was doing and I explained that I no habla espaniol. So he wandered off. I then said adios, which caused him to stop, turn, and stare at me for the longest time, trying to figure out how I knew that before replying adios and walking away.

Grandpa bought him four new trucks and an airplane, which he loves.

Did I mention that Grandpa Gary was fixing our car? The blinker broke. The broken piece is a tiny piece of plastic in the switch. A tiny piece of $250 plastic if we could find one. You see, our car is a model of Eagle that Mitsubishee (sp?) made for Dodge. The thing is that they only made five of them, total, and only made enough spare part for one and those spare parts are safely locked away in a foot locker in South Korea so as to be protected from possible abduction by North Korea. So he bypassed the switch altogether and wired a toggle switch right in to the dashboard. It rocks, and costs about $12.00.

later toggle fans

it has been said

If David looks up at you and says "kee ooo," pick him up. He is saying "carry you," as in, "David, would you like me to carry you?". He doesn't really understand pronouns yet. I guess we could say "would you like to be carried," so that he doesn't hear "carry you" and think it is one word. But then we would be teaching unecessary use of passive voice. Next thing you know he would be wandering to the pantry saying "a cookie is wanted." We can't have that.

We are trying to teach him his name.

"What's your name?"
"Nem"
"What's your name? David!"
"Dawid"
"What's your name?"
"Nem."
sigh

nature's rack

This is what is currently keeping me up at night.

I measured David with a yard stick recently. He is between 31 and 32
inches tall. Those of you with score cards will note that this is the
same height measured at his last doctor's appointment two months ago.
When people see him, they comment on how much he has grown, which is
not true. He has not gained a pound or an inch in two months. What he
has done is convert fat to muscle (I know, you don't "convert" fat to
muscle, but you know what I mean. Get off my back) and simply lose
some fat. So he is thinner and looks taller and less baby-like.

None of that is the worrisome part. Stay with me.

I am 72 inches tall. I assume that David is also going to be about
that hight. Upon reflection, I don't know why I assume that. I guess
I formed the assumption back when he was regularly clocking in the 80th
percentiles for height-to-age. Here is the thing. If he is going to
be around 72 inches in 16 years, then he will be around 36 inches by
age two. That is seven months to grow four-to-five inches. That is a
serious growth spurt. A seriously painful, my bones are stretching we
have to buy all new cloths every two weeks, dear Lord if you look
closely you can see him growing like the Incredible Hulk when you've
just pissed him off kind of growth spurt.

aghgh.

but he still has to be told, or he won't notice

I had heard news of this behavior, but had not witnessed it first hand.

This morning David grabbed one of Nina's gardening books off of the coffee table and laid it on the couch to look at. Nina was sitting next to him. He opened the book and Nina said, "you've got it upside-down, David."

So, he turned it around.

ideas to pay for david's college

Great new idea: a device that you can buy at the cell-phone store in packs of three or four. All new buildings, public and private, would be built with them installed. They would hang just inside a bathroom door and signal your cell phone that you have entered the bathroom. Then, if people call, they would get your "I can't answer the phone, I'm in the John" message. Higher-end cell phones would include an option of having a special "In the John" group for people you are willing to talk to on the comode. These phone numbers would be allowed to ring through.

the (inevitable?) fall

Yesterday, at grandpa Gary's, David fell down the stairs. Top to bottom. Grandpa Gary's stairs are carpeted, which was part of the cause and part of the reason we didn't have to go to the hospital.

He had been going up and down them all day. Typically, I am pretty uptight about staying down-gravity of him, but he never ever slips anymore. So I got lax. For some reason he tried to walk them rather than tummy slide. He can do this at home but at Grandpa Gary's, the railing is higher. He tried to take step and hold the rail, lost his balance, and twisted, losing his grip. I lunged for him and missed. He slid and tumbled down the 13 steps. At the bottom is a door. On the other side of the door was Jackie, Grandama Kim's daughter, who opened the door to look in and see what the commotion was about. David's head hit the door. It did not hit very hard--not even a real bruise. Jackie felt horrible, but if she had not done that, then his head would have hit the tile floor.

From the intensity and length of the crying, he was not injured as badly as he has been in the past. The carpeting and the wall really broke a lot of the downward fall. But he was sweating profusely and vomited the meal I had just fed him. In the absence of clear head trauma, I assume that he was terrified. But he recovered well. I squeezed and bent all of his joints without any protest from him. We called the doctor who told us what signs of problems to look for. I remembered the head-trauma maxim--"you should be worried if he doesn't cry."

In the end, all is well--except in my head. If I don't keep from thinking about it, I can still vividly see him tumbling down the stairs--still feel the terror and panic--and am still brought to tears. In the next three weeks, I will have a nightmare about it.

Theococo

We have been teaching David church stuff. He can Identify several icons now, including the Virgin Mary--his favorate. The term we Orthodox commonly use for her is "Theotokos." David simply says "Tokos." It is very cute in church.

Grandpa Gary and Grandma Kim have a kitten named "Coco." This confuses David who chases her around yelling "Tokos, Tokos!"

"No, David, the cat is not the Mother of God."

ear

Sorry to leave you hanging like that. Last week, I said that David was sick. Well, he stopped vomitting after only a day two days, according to Jaime. That was nice, but he still showed other sypmtoms. So, Jaime took him to the doctor on Friday. He has another ear infection. For those of you playing along at home, that is something like four ear infections in as many months. So, we are taking him to a ENT for evaluation to see if he needs something like "tubes." In case you don't know, you can put little tubes in the eardrum to allow excess fluid to drain out to reduce infections. I'll be doing a lot of research before we allow this proceedure. It is a low-risk, common proceedure, but, since the day that Jaime got pregnant, I have learned a great deal about "common" proceedures that turn out to be less useful than advertised. Meanwhile he is on an antibiotic. His mood is rapidly improving. Which is nice since his mood has been bipolar. He's been happy as a camper unless he doesn't get his way, which causes him to scream like he has been hit.

hounded

Abigale the dog has a new habit of sounding a whiney reverie from her kennel every morning at 06:00. She has gone from Beagle to Bugle.

sick and tv

Wow, long time since the last post. Sorry, time just flies when you are gainfully employed.

David is sick. Fever, vomiting, cranky. I spoke with our doctor's nurse's assistant's chauffeur's dog walker who said that the vomiting should stop in five-to-seven days. I informed her that we would be filing with foster care after five-to-seven days of vomiting, thank you very much. But, as of this morning, he had gone over twelve hours of chucking anything up.

David is around TV at the sitter's house a lot. But not at home. We only watch movies on the TV and only when he is gone or in bed. When I have seen him at the sitter's, I have not seen him show any interest in TV whatsoever--except for pushing the buttons. Night before last, Grandma Carla ("Nina") put in a DVD while he was still up. The DVD started playing the theme music of the main menu and David began dancing. Then, Nina pressed "play" causing the music to stop and the screen to go blank long enough for David to say "g'in" ("again")? Then the music started again and he started to dance again. The opening scene features an aerial shot of a bus. David pointed and said "bus." At one point one of the characters waved and David waved back. I watched this, horrified that the moment had finally arrived when David would take an interest in TV. On the bright side, now I have something to ground him from. I whisked him away to play with books and educational toys (actually, I think I gave him a bath).

later TV fans

movie ideas

I am trying to think of new word to fit the definition: "the pastime of casting a movie that does not actually exist." Something like "Fantasy Directing," but not lame.

Jaime, mom, and I filled out my "Wizard of Oz" idea. In addition to Depp (21 Jump Street) as the Wizard, Fanning as Dorothy, and Bonham-Carter as the Wicked Witch, we decided that Jack Black would be the lion, David Hyde Pierce, the Tin Man, Will Smith the Scarecrow, Bett Midler as the good witch of the north and Vince Vaughn as the driver of the cart pulled by the horse of a difference color. I think Burton should mine the books as source material and leave the original film alone.

Jaime and I were also trying to cast a "Mary Poppins" directed by Burton. She would like to see another pairing of Rene Zellweger and Ewan McGregor (a la "Down With Love") as Mary and Burt. But I think they are a wee young--not convincing enough to have a "history" as eluded to in the film. Reflecting on this, I hit upon the solution--a new film about the time Mary and Burt met. I shove together a plot and send it to Burton, stat.

Ooh! Bob Dole should play the tree that the Tin Man almost cuts down.

later, fantasy film fans

path

David-path
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

We went to the garden to take advantage of having Grandpa Brice, Skylar, and Cory all together. Here are some of the photos. Click through to Flickr to see the rest.

Brice, David

Brice-David
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David, Brice, Skylar

David-Brice-Skylar
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

pedastal

David-pedastal
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Skylar, David

Skylar-David
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Family

Family-cropped
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Of a series that I shot, this is the only one where everyone has a respectable look and no one has their eyes closed. If you look closely, you can see why dad and Skylar are smiling.

willy wonka

With the release of "Sleepy Hollow," I was afraid that we had lost Tim Burton forever. "Planet of the Apes" is watchable, but it feels like it was directed by the AutoHollywoodDirectron6000 rather than one of the creative geniuses of film. "Big Fish" restored hope as Burton returned to his strength of telling tall tales. But I remember thinking that "Fish" isn't quite as tall as I would expect from him. I would expect something a little more insane from a director who gives us a man with scissors for hands and Christmas stockings with severed heads. I thought that he could have pushed the envelope just a little more.

Well, I am pleased to say that Burton is back. Jaime and I saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" last night for her 29th birthday. It is as insane and delirious and bizarre and hilarious as I would expect from Burton. It is like the story was made for him to make of movie of.

I haven't read the book, so I don't know how it compares. I have always loved Gene Wilder's "Willy Wonka and the Focolate Chactory"--scratch that, reverse it. Now I can't think of another film where two versions have been made and I would be happy to watch them both--depending on the mood I was in.

But it gets better. The previews included Burton's next film "The Corpse Bride," a claymation feature a la "Nightmare Before Christmas." We are so there.

This morning, I found myself thinking, no one has done a good treatment "the Wizard of Oz" unless you are a fan of "The Wiz." Burton could do fantastic things with that. Depp would be the Wizard, and Helena Bonham Carter, the Witch. Can't think of who would be a good Dorothy--perhaps give Dakota Fanning a couple more years. Burton could put wings on all those extras from "Planet of the Apes."

dogs bark, cats run, bugs bite, helicopters watch

We have missed all the services of preparation for Dormition for reasons good and bad. I was prepared this evening to attend by hook or crook.

When I arrive home from work David and Jaime are asleep. Jaime seems to have a bug and feels lousy. David refused to take a nap all day, and then fell asleep in his high chair. I had some dinner and woke him up. If he sleeps too late, he'll be up all night. Very unhappy to be awakened. Very fussy. The service begins at 6:30. At 6:45 it is clear that David would not be able to handle it. Jaime says, "he sounds like I feel." His nose is runny and he is generally miserable.

So we go for a walk. A casual stroll. He stops to pick up stick after stick. "sTIK," he declares with each new one. The mosquitoes are thick. Even with repellent, I can't keep them off of him. At the Devon we cut through the courtyard to find kitties. I ask him to put his stick on the ground before we see any kitties. He does. They run from him anyway. Too bad.

As we leave the courtyard, he steps down off the sidewalk. It is a about three inches--impossible a week ago without help. I praise him "good step!" So he steps back up and does it again and again saying "step!" each time. We finally move along identifying trees and cars. He is very curious, stopping and squatting over and investigating and looking up and around to identify sounds of things he can't see. After about five minutes of this he is walking steadily down the sidewalk. As he steps over the edge of a buckled slab, he stays "step."

We play hide and seek around an oak tree but he is quickly distracted by the barking of a dog.

He breaks a stick into a larger and smaller piece. After several unsuccessful attempts to put it back together, he brings it to me pleading "on? on?"

"I can't, it doesn't go on. It's broken."
"On? On?"
"It's broken." He looks at both pieces and then drops the smaller one mumbling "broken."

He calls a yellow Tom cat in the street a tiger.

The police helicopter circles the neighborhood. Whenever he sees it, he points, "hairpwane" (airplane).
"No, helicopter."
". . . "
"Try 'chopper'"
"copper"
"Yes! Chopper"
"hairpwane"

We play hide and seek around the buick. He is still distracted by every dog he hears.

Papa Alex comes to clean out the Festiva. David is squealing thrilled. He climbs into the car and into the driver's seat. Alex shows him how to blow the horn, a mistake.

Back home finally after forty minutes just around the block.

Shower. Milk. Book. Songs. Bed. Blogging

I blog this haiku:

a chopper watches
hide and seek with mosquitoes
words for everything

rocks may be bad for you

Girl tried for felony over thrown rock

David is constantly picking up stones and putting them in his mouth. Should I turn him over to the authorities for attempted suicide?

Sloth

Sloth
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

what does a lion say? zzzzzzzz

what does a lion say? zzzzzzzz
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

ads

By the age of 18 months, children can already recognize product logos.
But they can't distinguish between programming and advertising until
about age eight..

belaboring the point

By the twentieth month, 50% of toddlers can use fifty or more words. By the twenty-third month, 75%.

Sorry to go on and on about it, but I'm a talker and so is Jaime. Plus, I have lots of funny word memories. Skylar's first word, that I remember, was "cookie." I still have a perfect vision in my head of Cory as a toddler standing at the top of the basement stairs at dad's house talking passionately to no one with a great deal of inflection in what sounded like a foreign language, his little toddler pot belly sticking out.

That is something that fascinates me. Kids learn words. Then learn conversational inflection separately. Then, put them together. This evening, at the dinner table, David turned to us and spoke an entire clearly articulated sentence in a completely unknown language.

later, glossolalia fans

100 words (more) or less

While I was typing the last post, Jaime worked on a list of words David uses unprompted in response to stimulus (pronunciations or definitions in paranthesis):

Suzie (hooszie), Cory, Collin, Kim, Omie (common promunciation for "Naomi," friend from church/occational baby-sitter), Abby, Tuff, Coco, Mommy, Daddy, Papa, Nina, Nanna, baby, tia (spanish, for "aunt"), doctor, Carl ("Good Dog . . ."), milk, water, juice, egg, oatmeal (omeal), cookie, cracker, pizza, butter (p,b, &j), cheese, yogurt (yogur), Os (for Cheerios), tots (tater tots), bread, tiger, flamingo (mingo), bear (beer), dog, kittie, doggie, puppy, mouse, duck, catapiller (piller), cow, horse, llama (yama), lion, hippo, bunny, ball, wagon, stairs, car, bed, crib, bink, chair, shoes, toes, elmo, park, slide, ear, eye, nose, head, hat, blocks, phone, talk, bib, in, out, up, down, ride, walk, hug, kiss, bath, please (pees), thank you (titoo), welcome, see ya, bye, hi, good dog, go, boat, zoo, "B"

He can make the following animal noise upon request:
snake (ssssss)
lior (roar)
gorilla (bangs chest and yells ahhhhh)
goat (hard to describe, sounds like a goat)
cat (meow)
dog (woof)
duck (quack)
rooster (dooo! (as in "cocka doodle doo")
monkey (ooh ooh ahh ahh)
frog (ribbet)

generally pulling the ears of crazy paraguayans

David did a pretty remarkable thing a couple of days ago; he grabbed Tuff's ear, looked at me and said "ear." He has been identifying his own ears for several weeks as well as Jaime's and mine. To be able to understand that ears exist not just in a few specific contexts, but in many different contexts is called "generalization." Being able to generalize is an important stage of development. David is sometimes good at it--he can identify any dog anywhere no matter the shape or size--sometimes not so good--he calls otters "kittens" and squirrels "bears." But to look at the things sticking up off of Tuff's head like the broken wings of a bat from an animated Halloween feature, and call them "ears" was an amazing intuitive leap, in my opinion. Tuff was not as impressed about having his ear tugged. He whipped around and snipped at David, putting his teeth around the boy's arm, but not biting down. This alarmed Jaime. So both of exclaimed excitedly: "did you see that generalization/him about get bitten?!"

According to "What to Expect the Toddler Years" says that by sixteen months 50% of toddler can use six words. David can use an uncountable number of words by this point. So much so that strangers have stopped assuming that he can talk well for his age and now assume that he is simply small for his age, which they think is higher because of the words. He is not forming too many sentences beyond "[noun], please" but his articulation is improving to the point where some of his most common words are losing the baby accent altogether.


I got to experience a strange new feeling Sunday--the feeling of tense trepidation as David looked out the window at me while being driven away by a crazy Paraguayan. My Aunt Nancy (Mom's brother's wife) loves babies and wanted some play time with David. The only time that he sees her is at family gatherings out at my grandparents--maybe five times his whole life. Well Sunday, Nancy wanted to see David and asked if she could come pick him up.
Me: "come pick him up? And do what?"
N (with Paraguayan accent): "Just hang out. We could go to my place, or out for ice cream."
Me: " . . . ok"

So she did. Came by, put him in our car, and drove away. David is not super keen on strangers right now, so I didn't expect them to make it down the block. Three hours later, she brought him back. Said they had a great time.

digging in the dirt

digging in the dirt
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

why do we forget our childhood?

Cognitive Daily � Why do we forget our childhood?: "memories simply are not ever encoded in language, and for that reason, never become part of an adult’s autobiographical memory."

fascinating

via Daddytypes

cory cory cory

David and I spent Fathers' Day weekend in Salina with dad (who claims to have "corresponded" with internet superstar, Dooce). I haven't written much about the weekend because. . . well, just because.

Cory hung out with us as well. When David first saw Cory, he was naturally scared and we had to go through the whole, "it's uncle Cory, remember, from last weekend?" Eventually, though, David warmed up to him. By Saturday evening, he was even saying Cory's name. Once, Cory went into his room and closed the door, and locked it, and barred it, and turned on the alarm, and David stood outside rattling the handle saying "Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory." Then he would wander around the room repeating his name.

On Sunday, we went to Cory's baseball game. David ran around, played with puppies, flirted with toddler girls, CLIMBED UP THE BLEACHERS, and had a good time. When a team arrived to prepare for the next game, they brought a three gallon bucket of balls and set it down by the bleachers. David was in heaven. He pulled balls out and lined them up on the sidewalk and threw them and yelled "ball!" and "beesball!"

Whenever Cory was up to bat, I would stop David and take him to the fence to watch.

***

Earlier this evening David and I were playing catch. He stood on the porch and lobbed the baseball down the steps where I stood. I would catch it and toss it back so that it rolled past him. He would fetch it and throw it again. Every time I caught it, he would laugh. Of course the whole time we are doing this, he is babbling his inane little babble about nothing in particular. Then, at one point, while chasing down the ball, he started saying "Cory, Cory, Cory."

later, baseball fans.

bad tv habits may be bad for you

Who would allow a third-grader to have a TV in his/her bedroom?

It bothers me when research is cited without linking to the actual published paper. But this is interesting to me anyway since TV is a subject that comes up a lot even though David's only interest so far is the buttons.

A new study by researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine and Johns Hopkins University indicates that third-graders with televisions in their bedrooms perform significantly more poorly on standardized tests than their peers without.

After reading Freakonomics I am obligated to note that the researchers don't have enough data to show causality:

The researchers speculate that the link may have more to do with other factors, such as the fact that children with bedroom televisions have been shown to sleep less than their peers, or that the minority of parents who allow a home computer but prohibit a bedroom television may be more engaged in their child's education.

Lastly, I am also obligated to point out my oposition to defining a child's success in life based on standardized tests. Freakonomics spends a lot of time debunking popular child-rearing myths based on standardized test results. While it is good to look at the stats they offer to get a clearer picture of how parenting may or may not work, it has to be done with the understanding that my primary concern as a parent is not measured by these tests. Case in point--statistical analysis shows that reading to your child does not positively affect standardized test scores, but I am confident that this interaction does have other positive benefits not directly connected to education.

in which i type perhaps the last joke i'll ever be able to post

If you were to ask me to list the top five days of my whole life, slot one or two would be four years ago today. After knowing each other for a couple of years, dating for a couple of weeks, and being engaged for a couple of months, Jaime and I were married on July 1, 2001.

It was hot, if memory serves.

Otherwise, it was just one of those days that went off without a hitch (no pun intended)--or the hitches were minor compared to the groove of happiness that I rode the whole day.

The fours years since then have been pretty great as well. Jaime and I still occationally turn to one or the other and marvel that we are actually married. It seemed so unlikely even five years ago and has been so great that it is hard sometimes to believe.

Here is a great little story, to embarrass Jaime:

I kept our B&B reservations on our wedding night a secret. Jaime knew we were going to St. Louis the next day, but not where we were spending the night. At dinner with a group of family and friends, she turned to me and asked: "How far are we going tonight."
Without missing a beat, I replied, "We just got married, we're going all the way."

Happy anniversary, Jaime.

maybe they are not even "emeritus"

At the Alhambra, in Granada, Spain, there is a building--or perhaps a room--constructed of three--or perhaps four--intersecting arches, making it a hexagon--or perhaps an octagon. The face of each arch has a shallow concave angle carved into its length. The room is 40--perhaps 60--feet across. I don't know what height the ceiling rises to. A person could stand on one side of the room, face towards an arch, and speak. The sound would travel the length of the arch over the room to the other side where another person could hear it. It is spooky. My traveling companion whispered into the arch and I could hear it sixty feet away in a room full of tourists as if she were standing invisibly next to me. I have heard that there is a similar arch in the Union Station in St. Louis where mafiosos would have meetings by talking to each other while standing on opposite sides of the room from each other.

I have a theory that all of the benches on Mass. Street in Lawrence are somehow invisibly connected in some similarly mysterious way. It is the best explanation as to why there are so many people sitting around downtown talking to themselves.

Alternative theory #1) They are somehow audibly connected to my son, which is why he now babbles unintelligibly non-stop to no one in particular.

Alternate theory #2) They are Professors Emeritus from the University of Kansas.

y'all should do this

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

packin

packin
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

I've finally posted some photos from the Smoky Hill River Festival two weeks ago. It was a great time with Grandpa Brice even though torrential rain dampened things a bit on Friday and Sunday. Saturday was beautiful.

oop, David just woke up from his nap, so I have to go.

later

batman begins because

"'Because' is not an answer." I heard this quite a bit from my dad when I was a kid. I always figured that "because" was a good enough answer to bide some time until I could fabricate something more plausible. Dad's retort has had a long-lasting affect on me--specifically on my cinematic willing suspension of disbelief. Particularly with superhero movies. When it comes to plot-lines, "because" is not an answer.
"Why can Superman fly?"
"Because, he is from another planet."
"Why does that matter? Do gravitons work differently in the Delta Sector?"
"um, because. . . "
Not an answer.
There are a couple of ways to extend an audience's willing suspension of disbelief. One is to lay out detailed exposition as to why the superheroes can do what they do and why they wear the funny costumes. The other method is maintain the flashy comic book style and delight the audience so that they don't worry. "The Matrix" did the first, while Tim Burton's "Batman" did the second. Burton offered up a thin plot and lots of eye candy making it clear that physics and motivation simply worked differently his comic purple Gothom.

Jaime really wanted to see the new "Batman." I whined a bit, but she persisted, so we tethered David to the crib and went to the cinema.

It's good.

Unlike Burton's "Batman," this one has taken the task of laying out as realistic a story as possible with excrutiating exposition as to why and how things are as they are. It is more than an hour of careful development of Wayne's character--punctuated with lots of scary bat flash-backs--before he finally makes the decision to dress up like a giant bat. By this point the audience is either "ok, I'll buy that" or "fine, just get on with it." While the story contains nothing particularly original, it makes up for it with lots of great fisticuffs. Wayne's parents die--Wayne is bitter-- sets out to find himself--travels to the Far East--climbs to the top of the mountain--finds a teacher who can show him the path he must journey. There was actually a moment where I was positive that his master was going to call him "grasshopper" and tell him that he couldn't leave until he snatched away a pebble.

Then we have a "James Bond" presentation of great gadgets and we're off to fight bad guys. After some bad guys, the archvillan, and curtain. Gary Oldman shows up at the beginning as a cop, so I assumed he was the bad guy. Turns out not to be so, which was very confusing. Oldman+cop=bad cop, right? No, he is sergeant Gordon and does a pretty good job.

This Batman is scary. The baddies use a fairly terrifying drug-induced hallucinations that gave me bad dreams. Then, towards the end, "holy walking stiffs, Batman, we're in a Zombie movie."

Some of the plot-points intersect Burton's Batman and change things around (Joker doesn't kill his parents). Jaime is a huge fan of Burton's, so that really peeved her. For both of us, the main detracting was the writing. The script sounds like the writers dug around in the ashcans of every man-against-the-odds morality tale ever written, pulled out the pithy monologues, and strung them together. We begin with "Why do we fall? So we learn how to pick ourselves back up." From there the script keeps falling and can't get up. Wayne gets lectured on ethics, power, and the meaning of life by every single other character in the film. I would have dressed up like a giant Bat just to be rid of all of them. It really could have used some of the humor and insanity of Burton's tale.

Oh, and the Scientologist that now has to follow Katie Holmes' 24/7 kept getting in the shots. That was annoying.

Of course this is not the first movie I have seen this summer whose main character is a chronically conflicted guy who's mother's death leads him to dress up in a big black suit with a mask and a cape. Nope, I am looking forward to "Batman vs. Darth Vader" in 2007.

pox

Morocans are a testy bunch. In their markets, if you touch something, be prepared to haggle to an acceptable price and buy it or get screamed at by the owner in a melodic mix of French and English. It is amazing what words foreigners learn first. A man with no grasp of whatsoever of an English sentence can nevertheless go head-to-head with your typical sailor in a cuss-fest over a carved wooden box.

On the train from Tangiers to Marrakech, while making my way to the bathroom, I accidentally kicked a woman's chicken. I heard her mutter under her breath, "une varicelle sur votre aîné"--a pox on your first-born. Yesterday afternoon, David developed a rash of red bumps from head to toe. They persisted, and worsened overnight. coincidencece? You decide.

Jaime called the Doctor who asked us to bring him in. After thorough examination that consisted of asking me a bunch of questions that the nurse asked me, the doctor concluded that it is a delayed allergic reaction to the antibiotic we've had him on since his last ear infection and bronchitis.

I could have kicked that chicken out the window.

Binkzilla

A few days ago I took David out of his crib after his nap. As usual he still had a binky in his mouth and one in his hand, in addition to a "Little People" girl. I set David on the floor and popped the bink out of his mouth and turned to toss it in the crib. As I turned back I saw he had put the other bink in his mouth. Again I popped the bink out of his mouth and turned to toss it in the crib. As I turned to face him again I saw the legs of the girl figure sticking out of his mouth.

Too smart for me

Grandpa Alex is notorious for teaching David tricks. My favorite is when he tells David to scream like a girl and David lets out a high pitch squeal and throws his arms up in the air.

Tonight David beat Alex to the punch. As Alex, Carla, and I stood around David Alex asked David "who's the man?" and David replied "me". Carla and I looked at Alex and asked if he had taught David that and Alex said no.

"Was that really the first time you've done that with him?"
"Yes"

"David, who's the man?"
"Me!"

This went on for a few minuets while we laughed. After Carla and Alex left I continued to ask David "who's the man?". All the while he still answered "me!".

Finally I asked David to say "man". No response.
"David, say 'me' ".
"Me!"

Until tonight this word was not part of his vocabulary.

We'll be holding auditions for super smart partents later next month.

we're off

we're off
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

We are getting ready for our annual trek to the Smokey Hill River

Festival in Salina, where we join Grandpa Brice for a weekend of art

and music. Normally Aunt Skylar is with us and already I miss her

sorely. But I promise to take pictures. Towards that end, I am

clearing the memory card and just had to post this one that Jaime shot

a couple of days ago.



later Smokey Hill fans (you know who you are)

My favorate light bulb joke:

"How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None, babies have neither the strength nor the coordination to change a lightbulb."

My favorate lightbulb joke, translated online through Spanish, to French, to Italian, and back to English:

"how much you drink taken in order to change one lamp"
"nobody, you drink have neither the force neither the coordination in order to change one lamp."

uncertainty

I see at Wired News that scientists at the University of Arizona have discovered how to use quantum mechanics to turn molecules into working transistors in the lab.

I suppose this is good news, getting David a step closer to being able to store the collected knowledge of all the history of humanity on his iPod.

On the down side, he will be unable to assess the data's exact location and his processing speed at the same time.

special

We officially have to spell out c-o-o-k-i-e, a concept that covers teething biscuits, animal crackers (the only actual "cookie" he gets), Cheerios, "wheels" (toddler food), and any other small crunchy carbs that he will eat until he pops like a tick.

He knows certain things only as "no." The fake plant in the foyer is "no" and he will identify it as such as he grabs it and pulls it to the ground for the 153,377th time. Which is interesting, because he is generally pretty good about keeping his hands off of things. The plant and my night stand are the major exceptions.

Jaime taught him "Hi, daddy." Melted me.

His facial expressions have become much more subtle and you can see him being distressed or perplexed by things on a much more troubling level (before he just starts crying). He can officially express a greater emotional range than Keanu Reeves ("Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure").

I guess the next step is either learning how to put words together voluntarily, or realizing that everything in the world has a word and seeking to learn them.

In a way, he is already voluntarily putting words together. He signs "please" by rubbing his chest. So, he will ask for something, I will say "no," and he will repeat the word while also signing please. This evening, in church, he wanted something out in the narthex that had been take away from him. As he headed off to try and retrieve it he signed "please" over and over rubbing his hand spastically up and down his chest. He looked "special" let me tell you.

His understanding of what you want is great. The other day I asked him to pick up his bink and put it in his crib and he did. Putting toys away is still a fun game, too. I had to bring fast food to Jaime at church this evening. David and I went into the parish hall, where Jaime was. I handed David the bag of food and said, "take this to mommy." The bag was closed and he doesn't ever eat fast food, so I figured he would be clueless as to the contents and simply take the package to his mom. He set the bag on the floor, squatted over it, opened it, reached in, pulled out some french fries, and ate them. But USUALLY, he will execute such a command.

later, special fans

what does a lion say

what does a lion say
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

roaaaaar!

this is how i feel, too

this is how i feel, too
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

So, y'all can just stop harrassing me about not blogging.



I tell you what, if I go for long periods of time without blogging,

this is what you need to do:



Go find the most special cute warm fuzzy thing you can find--anything

will do--like a kitten hanging by one paw from a branch, or a baby

panda being cleaned by its mother, or the sunset over snuggling

llamas--whatever.



Multiply that by the speed of light, squared.



There, now you have just how cute David is when he is not even trying.



OK?



David=mc squared where m=the measure of cuteness of the most

wonderfully cutest thing ever ever.



"So, Jason," you are saying to yourself as you sit, dazed, in front of

the computer waiting for me to update, "what is he doing that is just

so cute?" Well, you'll just have to wait. I'll give you a

hint--words, lots of them.



llater, llama fans

down (up) with words

The latest super-useful word is "down." It is a perfect compliment to his increasingly stubborn and willful disposition. Often, when being picked up against his will, he will raise his arm's so that the lifter no longer has the advantage of hooking their hands in his armpits. He will yell "DOWN!" as he does this. He also yells "down" when in his crib, highchair, carseat, or on the bed.

But recently, he has started up something new with down. Most situations that call for down involve being in an uncomfortable or unhappy spot in view of a better, more fun spot. As a result "down" has come to mean, "improve my general situation." Today, Jaime brought David to the office so we could lunch together. I had to show him off to everyone. At one point, he was standing on the floor while my boss tried to make friends. Suddenly, he bent over, touching the floor, and said "down."

"Um, you are down," I replied. "Do you mean 'up?'"

He raises his arms, "up!" I pick him up.

Later, meeting someone else, he turned and hugged his mom's legs and said, "down."

"Do you mean 'up?'"

"Up!"

lies! all lies!

I just discovered that an alum from my high school has a blog. Even though she only uses her first name, Alisha, I have deduced that it is the Alisha I know based on these two facts.

1) She is in New York, where I happen to know Alisha went.
2) Her comments are populated by people named Dan, Missy, and Valerie (through whose blog I found Alisha's). Those are the name of the people in the social circle to whom Alisha belonged in high school.

This social circle even had a name--"The [name of my high school] Players." As you might guess, the "Players" were our high school's elite cast of Baseball Players--those students most likely to go on to actually achieve professional, or at least minor league, status in the Great American Sport. In spite of my fondness for the game, I never became a player for two important reasons unrelated to lack of talent:

1) Some pretty serious doping allegations among the upper classmen
2) I'm sure you can all relate to this: as much as one may like baseball playing, one may not actually like having to be around baseball players.

But the Players did well. As I mentioned, Alisha is in New York, so I assume that she is working her way up through the New York Highlanders club. Val, as we all know, plays for the Twins. I don't know about Dan and Missy. Alisha makes a reference to Missy's kids, but I can't confirm that they are Dan's as well.

Meanwhile, David ran up to me in church this evening squealing "daddy!" It was a proud moment. Then, while I was holding him, he leaned towards our priest's wife, pointed, and said "daddy!"

good morning

when I'm getting ready to go to work early in the morning

and David wakes up

plays with his fingers contentedly for awhile

and then stands up and sees me

and says "hi!"

and then points excitedly at mommy still in bed and runs through his
list, "daddy, nanna, papa, meemameema!"

jumps up and down and squeels and giggles

and I take him out of his crib and put him on the edge of the bed

and he crawls to her squeeling and gives her head a hug and a kiss

and rolls over on his back leaning against her with his arms spread out
and giggles and blushes

when they sit on the bed and read as the morning sun brightens the room

that is a good morning.

The fun doesn't stop there

So, as I kick back tonight I (after finishing a 10 page paper) I thought I would share what I am enjoying.

First: Yahoo Launch Music. Favorite stations for the moment, Big Hits of the 80's and 90's.

Favorite website which reminds me of highschool: http://www.webguys.com/pdavis/karate/tikwanleep.html

listening to it puts a smile on my face every time I hear the boot hit the head.

Enjoy!

Now it's just painful

Total apologies for such a long absence. Jason is working and I'm working on going nuts. It doesn't leave us much time to blog, especially with JackJack walking around now.

So here I am, drinking wine, celebrating the fact that I am almost done with my undergrad. Let us all have a moment of silence for the last three painful years......

Please mail generous portions of sanity to my PO Box so I can get through grad school next year.

But enough about me, you are all here for David, right?

Well, he is now super mobile. He has not mastered running or wallking for long periods of time, but he is getting there. Now we have to be extra watchful of the dave devil and his love of stairs. Yup, we still do not have a baby gate for the stairs. Our motto is, "Whatever doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger". Now, whether that applies to us and our heart conditions, or David and his body, its hard to tell. I bet we could get rid of every toy in the house except the Motzart cube, the LeapFrog book, and all the balls and David could content himself on the stairs with those toys until prom.

Two new baby toy ideas:
The Bungee Harness for the stairs. It enables the parents to safely leave Jr. on the steps for hours with minimal risk of bodily injury. Comes with a free kit for Nurfing the stairs so as to provide a softer land.
Baby StairMaster. Complete with a ball fixed in the front so baby always has his goal in sight. Not only does it provide hours of fun without the nasty side effects of conventional stairs and gravity, it also helps baby work off that stubborn baby fat.

So, yeah, he still loves the stairs. I took him for a walk tonight and he totally stopped at the base of every set of stairs we passed in the hopes of a quick climb. Mountain Climbing Doctors of America, I have your poster child. Step aside Gerber Baby, Here comes JackJack David, Mt. Everest Baby.

If anyone would like to invest in a rock climbing wall for Christmas we would really appreciate it.

New Favorite Word: AaaBee (Abey- family dog)
Word/Phrase mom wants him to say: Nana Sushi (a.k.a. Grandma Susie)
Most endearing action/moment: Every morning when Jason puts him in bed with me and he crawls over and says MaMa and comes in for the hug and kiss. This is the only time during the day he is this affectionate. Melts my heart everytime. Which is good for him because I am getting tired of the sleepless nights.
New favorite sound: (David, what sound does a lion make?) Roar! Way cute.

As the semester ends and I get a little bit of a break I would like to personally thank from the bottom of my heart all the people who have helped me get by:
Jason, I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you more every day.
Carla and Alex, you guys rock! Thank you so much for all of your generosity, support, and free babysitting. Thank you for putting up with us : )
Nikki, Thank you for watching David, being cool, having an awesome son who likes to play with David, and getting those super cute puppies.
Mom & Steve, the jet setting vaccation destination. You take care of us all and we are forever grateful.
Dad & Kim, Our KC connection. Thank you for always providing a place to hang and a sitter for the movies.
Fr. Joseph, You have kept us going. Thank you so much for being a wonderful support and friend.
Fr. John, God Bless you and Keep you always. May your memory be eternal.
All of our friends and relatives, we could not survive without your love and support. Thank you for always being there for us.
I would also like to thank the Acadamy for finally acknowledging my talents in the role of mother wife and student. I would like to thank my agent for landing me such challenging roles.....oh, wait, I think I have gone too far. My bad.

With much love,
jaime

it walks

I get home last night after David has gone to bed and mom has this story: she was in the office, he was in our bedroom being too quiet. Just as she was about to go see what he was up to, he strolled into the office carrying my belt. Then he moseyed to the top of the stairs and flung it down the stairs. After she gave the belt back, he ambled into her bedroom.

As you can imagine, I am pretty hurt that, without warning, he up and decides to walk when his mother and I are not around.

This morning I got him up in time to get some walking action in before taking him to the sitter's and going back to KC. I repeatedly stood him and he repeatedly dropped to his butt like it has never occurred to him that knees are for anything but crawling.

I get back to town this afternoon and Alex says that he has shown no signs whatsoever of walking. He'll stand for long periods of time, but he has been doing that for awhile. Big deal. Don't get far in life just standing around looking cute unless you are Vanna White, or a model, or part of a highway work crew . . . but I digress.

By this point, I am pretty sure that all of mom's fast living has caught up with her and she is suffering from some vivid "dreams."

Then after his nap, I gave him my belt, stood him up, and stepped back.

He walked to me.

Then, he walked all over the place.

The belt is kind of funny. Later in the evening, he would finally walk with his hands empty, but earlier, he had to have something in them. He would hold my belt out in front of him and then walk a sort of Frankenstein-monster-walk that gave the appearance that really, the belt was about three inches away from him and he was chasing it. Or perhaps it was really important to get the belt somewhere--important enough to just get up and walk. Without the belt, he just keeps his hands out in front of him waiting for something to come by that he can grab on to.

Crawling is still the preferred mode of transportation, but I am guessing that in about a week, he will forget all about it.

Later, walking fans.

new job! for real this time

For your sense of security, I am going to establish a brief joke-free zone so that you can feel comfortable responding emotionally without fear of being publicly mocked on the World Wide Web.

//begin humor-free//

I received the phone call today from one of the companies with whom I interviewed last week. I will essentially be an account rep. for a service division of a publishing company. I will have nothing to do with the publishing, though, so please don't send me your manuscript. Assuming I pass the physical and drug test tomorrow, I will start work on Monday. This brings an end to a dry spell punctuated with a series of rejections for positions that I could do with my eyes closed. The new job will be very similar to work I have done before, but the professional relationships will more in-depth and will involve more responsibility on my part. I looks like an exciting challenge--I am looking forward to it.

For the sake of internet privacy, am not going to reveal any more.

//end humor-free//

Other than to say it involves infiltrating black-market Pizzarias that are using Canadian bacon to smuggle terrorist herbs-and-spices into Wisconsin to add zest to suicide-bombers' last meals of hummus and white bread.

but I can say no more--to many lives are at stake.

But this blog is supposed to be about David--where does he fit in? Well, David will continue to freeload, depleting resources while contributing only cuteness and constant stream of inane babble. On a positive note, he has helped us out by switching from formula, which costs $arm-and-leg.00 per ounce, to simple milk, which costs $0.025 per ounce.

later, milk fans

The Rt. Rev. John Platko , 1948-2005

I received the news Sunday evening that Fr. John, the priest that Christmated me, baptized Jaime-Mary, and married us, fell asleep in the Lord. I have made a couple of attempts to write to you about how this man touched our lives, how deeply we love him and how we will miss him. But it just does not work in this forum. Anyone who knows Jaime and I personally know how wonderful Fr. John is.

Holy Trinity Orthodox Church has posted his obituary: "Words cannot capture this inspirational mentor who led with dignity and humility. He guided his parishioners selflessly to the light of truth and wisdom. Too often self-effacing, he never reveled in his position, but served all his days. Whether administering communion or teaching, he inspired in the virtual sense of the word. He breathed life into all with whom he came into contact and into the life of the Church.

May Father John’s memory be eternal!"

norman's not funny

On Monday, April 18, 2005, at 03:27 AM, you wrote:

Are you serious about DY?

I was going to reply with an uber-hot flaming rip of
an email explaining that this was just a joke that you perhaps did not
get.

Then I received another email someone else congratulating me on the DY
gig.

This is why I am not getting paid to write humor.

It reminds me of a story. Want to hear it? 'goes like this.

I used to work for a company which did not have a dress code.
Generally, that was ok, but sometimes people really went too far. One
day, Melissa came to work in denim cut-offs, a white t-shirt, and
grungy tennis shoes sans socks. Melissa was an
actress/model whose appearance was generally very professional. I
forget what her explanation was for the slumming--I was way too busy
making fun of her. The next day while Will, the Chief Operating
Officer, was out of his office, I snuck in and composed an email from
him to the whole group explaining the new dress code. I peppered the
email with all kinds of absurdities (so I thought) to indicate the
joke. At one point I used Melissa as an illustration of how not to
dress and used myself as an illustration of how to dress. I said that
"I" (Will) was going to hire "Jason" to be "my" personal fashion
consultant. I figured that by the end it would be very clear that
Jason was typing from Will's machine.

I was stunned by the number of people who almost did not get it. What
was even funnier was the number of people who only realized it was a
joke when they reached the very last line, which read, "Love, Will."
That was the give-away, which was bizarre because Will is a very
loving guy. For instance, even after that email, I was allowed to
keep my job.

new job!

Updates to this blog might be kind of sporadic from now on because I just found out that I'm the new Defective Yeti.

As you may have read, Matthew Baldwin just went from Pretty Ok Guy, to Pope. You might think "what great luck" being chosen like that, but his story--like most of his blog--is not exactly true. Here is the scoop: I've been corresponding with him for quite awhile and learning his tricks of the trade--to quote a phrase I'll have to get used to. One day he took me to a chat room and he told me his secret. "I am not Defective Yeti" he said. "My name is Ryan; I inherited the blog from the previous Defective Yeti, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Defective Yeti either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Defective Yeti has been retired 15 years and is the Patriarch of Constantinople"

Apparently being a humor blogger is simply preparation for inevitably becoming a major religious leader. I don't think that it is coincidence that I take over this post within a decade of the probable retirement Metropolitan Philip, the Archbishop of the Antiochian Orthodox Christians in America.

You might be scratching your head and thinking, "but Jason, DY is funny and all you do is wring your hands about wether your kid is going to be stupid because his bathtub is the wrong color." Well, with new administrations come change and one of the first changes I will introduce to DY is turning off the comments so that you can keep those thoughts to yourself.

later, DJJ/DY fans

terror reloaded

The old mild alarment:

• stand on landing
• place both hands on the second step, knees on the first step.
• hands on the third step, knees on the second step
• repeat until the top is reached.

The new terror

• stand up on the first step, turn to the banister
• gripping the banister and spindles, put the forward foot up on the next step
• pull trailing foot up to the step
• repeat
• occasionally, slip, catching self with hands and feet LIKE SOME SORT OF MOUNTAIN CLIMBER WHILE YOUR FATHER'S HEART STOPS
  

mercury, it's bad for babies

Dad sent me this some time ago.

It ticks me off.

12-month check up

(current photo)

Today we visited Dr. Cohlburn for David's 12-month checkup.

He is the picture of health. According to the information given us by the nurse, he is doing everything that a one-year-old ought to be doing:

• Regular scream-loudness tests? Check
• Terrifying parents with daring feats? Check
• Pulling dangerous/breakable objects on top of self? Check
• Kissing the dog? Check

When the doctor listened to his heart with the steth, Jaime showed him how to inhale deeply and let it out, which he did--so cute.

When the doctor asked about words, Jaime sang "She loves you!" and he replied "yeah, yeah, yeah" right on cue.

When we gave him tamborines and played our organ, he did somersaults.

When two nurses shoved needles into his chubby chubby thighs, he became all fire and shot laserbeams from his eyes.

He is 23 pounds, 9.9 oz. That puts him in the 58th percentile, the same percentage as the increase in blog readership in 2004.

He is 31 inches tall/long. That is the 81st percentile, the same as the percentage of ten-year-olds who are afraid of being fat.

Later fat-fearing fans.

terror is

(Marcel Duchamp, Nude Descending a Staircase, 1912)

Watching him descend the stairs by himself.

He stands on the top step facing the banister and holding the spindles
with both hands.

He kneels to his knees and lowers his left foot down to the next step.

He readjusts his weight, moves his hands over to the next spindles, and
brings down the trailing foot.

He repeats the above until he's reached the landing.

While I remained less than an inch away the whole time, I didn't touch
him.

in/out

(David not pictured. That is the baby that came with the toy. We had
to recycle him along with the rest of the packaging.)

Grandma Susie and Grandpa Stevey bought him a Clifford the Big Red Dog
Ride On toy for his birthday. David's legs are still too stubby to get
on and off of it himself, but that is OK. There is another feature
that far surpasses riding Clifford down the stairs. Clifford has a
door in his back, making him a cubby-hole on wheels. When David
discovered this, his world was forever changed. His new hobby became
Putting Things in Clifford and Taking Them Out Again. He spent a
couple of days just experimenting with what he could put in the dog. I
would watch as he tried to fit in toys that were way too large for the
opening. One day he dedicated a portion of his morning to stuffing a
pair of mommy's pajamas inside Clifford.

But life is not all about stuffing dogs. There are also cribs to empty.

His other "game" is to let us know that he is unhappy by pitching his
pacifier out of the crib. He still sleeps with a bink--actually two
binks, one in his mouth, the other in his hands that compulsively
fidget until he is in a deep sleep. Usually, a third bink is present
as well since they get hidden in the crevasses where only he can find
them. If he doesn't get a response out of us by throwing the first
bink out, then the others will follow. Then his blanket, then Ice Bat
and anything else that might in there. He will do the same thing when
he is in his play pen, but it's more dramatic since he has many other
toys in the pen. But he is patient and will take as much time as he
needs to be sure that everything gets tossed.

fancy baby parts

fancy baby parts for sale
coos, and cries, and farts
laughs are cheap
and grins are nearly free

circleback

I'm mentioned on Daddy Types, the weblog for new dads!

In the interest of full-disclosure, I must mention that I emailed him my stroller review.

Later, Daddy-blog fans.

i bet she'll say it knocked her sox off

Drew Barrymore

In a romantic comedy

About baseball

So, Skylar, where is your review of Fever Pitch?

our stroller

Although he mentions it, Daddytypes never actually reviews our stroller, so I thought I would share.

We like to take walks. However, most of the sidewalks in our neighborhood look like this.
I wanted the biggest wheels that I could afford and that were available locally (I wasn't willing to buy online sight-unseen).

First, we bought a standard jogging stroller, but those are a pain. The front wheel is rigid for safety, so to turn them you have to push down on the handle, lifting the front wheel off of the ground--pain in the bottom. We returned it.

The Kolcraft Jeep Liberty Limited Urban Terrain, on the other hand, maneuvers like a dream. It has a spacious cargo carrier under the seat as well as two saddle bags attached to the outside of the frame where you can put small items and forget about them forever. The wheels are fairly large and inflatable making for a fairly smooth ride over most terrain. It is tall enough that I can stand up straight and push it without kicking it as long as I don't try to rush. David loves it most of the time. A couple of days ago, I realized that he is big enough to reach the tray so I attached the optional steering-wheel toy with horn.

The model we bought also comes with speakers for your portable audio device of choice and little compartment to put it in. I could have done without that and we have never used it except to hold misc. pieces of paper.

Five-point harness. Two cup holders for the pusher, two for the baby. Looks killer.

Cons--it's not perfect:

While it is certainly not the largest on the market, it is not small. It does not fold down as compactly as some of it four-wheel equivalents. Generally, it stays at home waiting for us to go on a walk or we take it when we know we are going to be at the park or out strolling for an extended period of time. For trips to the mall, we just use the one of the two umbrella strollers that Toys "R" Us gave us.

The seat back adjusts up and down with a slider on strings which is great for adjusting it just like we want it, but this system prevents the seat from sitting completely upright. I am going to get a little pillow to help him sit up properly.

I have read these cons at Epinions: tipping hazard, wheels come off if not put on correctly, the baby can remove the tray. I could see it tipping when he is big enough to crawl out, but it seems unlikely--especially if you keep the kid harnessed as you should. I put the wheels on correctly, but I have lots of experience assembling stuff, so it may be an issue for the less experienced. The front tray swings out to the side for installation and extraction of the baby. Ours is very tight, David will never be able to open it on his own. Not that he would want to; he wouldn't be able to honk the horn.

Eventually, I would like something intermediate. The umbrella stroller is light and compact, but has no cargo space. Since baby=equipment, I will eventually get something small and light, but with a basket underneath for trips to the mall/doctor's/etc.

how google works

Google Technology: "When a search query is submitted to Google, it is routed to a data coop where monitors flash result pages at blazing speeds. When a relevant result is observed by one of the pigeons in the cluster, it strikes a rubber-coated steel bar with its beak,"

DVForge - Virus Prize 2005

Normally, this would be a miniblog entry, but I'll just share. I want to do my part to promote the good products that I use. DVForge wants you to know the truth about virus threats on a Macintoch.

in case there is any doubt

the spirit of flickr

File under: technical stuff

The latest development in my on-again, off-again relationship with Flickr Beta is the Flickr Zeitgeist. You will notice it over at the top of the sidebar doing fun things with my photos. It will be more interesting when I have more photos uploaded.

If you came for the miniblog, you are going to be disappointed. I grew weary of it and have locked it away behind a bracket and an exclamation point.

spring 2

spring

symbiosis

interview q&a--jobs i didn't get

"Tell me Mr. Gilbert, what did you like most about your previous position?"

Coming up with new ideas. You could basically think of me as an idea generating machine just crankin' out new ideas continually. For instance, what if we attached little generators to all the pigeons in the city that harnessed the movement of their wings to recharge a AA battery? We could save millions on energy costs related to recharging the batteries in my kid's toys alone. I just came up with that one, but I have a million. Basically my dream position is one where you just pay me to think up ideas.

"What would you say is your most outstanding achievement in the past year?"

Well, I created a baby. That's a feat I am pretty proud of. I would be very happy in job where I was just paid to create babies.

"Can you give me an example of how you work in a team?"

The baby creating project comes to mind. It started out as a partnership endevor with my wife, but in the end involved pretty much everyone with an opinion about anything related to babies and then ultimately enough doctors, nurses, and staff to fill a delivery room. But I think that everyone would agree that I was an important part of that team--that my contribution was invaluable up to the point where I passed out on floor of the delivery room.

"How would you describe yourself as a person?"

Medium bodied and peppery, with just a hint of currant.

david's first birthday

Samuel and David
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

We had a belated party last weekend to celebrate David's first birthday, Skylar's visit home, and (paranthetically) my birthday. For me, the highlight was Samuel, David's second cousin who was born about 36 hours before David was. Samuel is a charmer. He has a heck of a smile (not pictured here). The physical difference between the two of them is amazing. Samuel has hair that has been cut (three times) and is way stylish. He is also thinner with a more defined face. All of this conspires to make him look at least 8 months older than David. But David is bigger. So, together, they look like a two-year old playing with some gargantuan infant visiting home from the circus.

I'll probably get in trouble for saying that.

The highlight of the party for David was balloons. Gobs of balloons that we brought home. They are all tangled together in a big mess. So David will grab the strings and crawl across the floor with an enormous balloon posse surrouding him bouncing and bounding along with him in a frenzy. It is a wonderful image of just how much energy the boy has.

Alexander and Sebastian

Alexander and Sebastian
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Friends, parents, bloggers Valerie and Ed were in town last week. I was so excited to meet their two lovely boys and to introduce David, who was still gestating (sp?) last time Valerie was around. Alas, David's doctor said that he was still contagious, so he could not go with us. We don't want Valerie and Ed to deal with what he had, times two.

Anyway, the boys are delightful, Valerie and Ed (and Emily) looked great.

This photo Flicks you to Flickr.

Colorado images at last

120_2027_r2_1
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Sorry this took so long . . . technical issues. Click on the image to be swept away to Flickr to see the rest.