Daddy is on the dole

I am looking for a job. Last week, the board of the Heartland Orthodox Christian Council voted to close the Museum. Our Exec. Director, Justin called me on the 15th to tell me, but it was not "official" until voted on, so I couldn't tell too many other people, namely, you. Although, I don't relish the idea of being penniless, it was not a terrible shock that we are closing. We have been struggling financially for over a year and the big-money people were just not behind us. It is, however, a disappointment. I am looking in several different places for a new job, I will let you know when I have something.

I think that it would have been cool to be able to title this post "I was fired for reading 'Dooce'."

Although I couldn't post about the closing for a couple of weeks, I did do a bit of writing that I will include here. It may get a bit lengthy and I think that David is only mentioned once. So if you are here for the Happy Happy David Show, browse the archives for awhile and then come back.

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June 19, 2004

Having visitors at the Museum has become depressing. Almost every visitor today made a comment about the future of the museum.

"I'll have to buy that next time."

"I will join the Friends the next time I come."

"We'll have to visit again during the next exhibition."

"You have a Web site, don't you?"

Each time a visitor leaves, I traditionally tell them that I look forward to seeing them again. I have always assumed that this is a mix of courteous formality and sincere interest. Today I realize how much of it is sincere. Today, as people left, I would tell them to have a nice day and quietly think to myself, "goodbye, I would honestly like to see you again, but I know that I will not."

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Theo sent a letter today. He is a retired Greek immigrant whom we call one of our "cheerleaders," someone who is excited about our mission and helps us to fulfill it. He was our contact with Mount Athos and basically made the Monasticism exhibition possible by communicating between the Holy Mountain and the Museum. He is always sending us gifts and writing encouraging letters in which he praises our ministry. He once referred to us as "a jewel in the desert." He lives in Florida, and has never been here. We communicate by letter and fax. Today's letter is written in long-hand. He calls down God's protection upon us, tells us how he and his wife and family are doing, and asks about some business regarding the Holy Mountain. He also admires our work, which he read about in our recent newsletter and encloses some copied Greek Newspaper articles about monastics. We love Theo. We are so fond of him that, to me, it seems absurd to think that our relationship is actually based on this museum and therefore could simply end. As terrible as I am about corresponding, I think that I would like to stay in touch with Theo after we close. I know he would welcome that.

June 22, 2004
The Museum has lots of personal friends--people who visit often, like to be here, like to talk with us. Mark and Mary are two of them. Mark is our oldest friend--our first friend. He was in on the renovation of the row house before we were. He helped us get into this and was central to our renovation. He does it for God. His personal goal is to help us bring people closer to God. When he stopped by the other day, I told him what is going on because he deserves to know and he would lend support. He did. He is positive that we have brought people closer to God and positive that now that God is done with this project, He will give us a new assignment.

Yesterday Mary came in. She is our newest friend. She works across the street at the Big Bureaucratic Box and will occationally stop over for a cup of coffee and some relief. This time she told me that she is struggling. She knows that she has to make a certain decision, but that pride is holding her back. I sympathized and we talked a bit about this central Christian struggle--not to know right from wrong, but to subdue our egos' desire to do the wrong thing. It might have made a little bit of difference, I don't know. Then Jaime came in with David. Mary got to hold our smiling, giggling baby--the best therapy. By the time that she left, I think that she was feeling much better. This is what I will miss the most about the museum. Forget the exhibitions and the covert evangelism. I am going to miss talking with people sincerely, intimately, significantly. When you put the word "Christian" above the door an then open that door to the public, you are inviting people in to share their innermost selves with you. I have talked with lapsed Christians about going back to Church, I have had theological conversations that aren't just the thick-book quoting, but people really trying to work out the course of their lives. I try not to give anybody advice. I am not a therapist. It is simply trust. People assume that this is a place of trust. Without being dramatic, I do feel some guilt that we are breaking people's trust by closing our doors.

July 2, 2004

Victoria had to call various professional affiliations to give them the bad news. When she called Downtown Topeka, Inc. Patricia literally cried. She also talked to Stephany at the Topeka Convention and Visitor's Bureau. Within an hour, Stephany's boss, Richard, the head of the Bureau, was down at the museum with his condolences. People in Topeka are genuinely upset. The Museum has been very well received here and most feel that we have done a good job. It feels pretty nice.

Sunday July 4, 2004

The headline of the Local section of the paper is about the Museum Closing. It is a simple, well-done story. The fact that it is so prominently placed indicates the regard that the city has for our little museum. I made the announcement at Church. Many people are upset and saddened. It may seem odd that so many people are upset and that so many people think that the museum is important, yet we could not stay afloat. Well "a lot of people" is simply not enough people. 80% of a non-profit's support comes from 20% of the supporters. The foundation of a charity is a small group of wealthy donors giving five or six digits annually. For us, that would simply have meant eight-to-twelve people giving ten or fifteen thousand. Or twenty giving six-thousand, whatever. The problem is, that core group of people would need to be Orthodox Christians in or near Kansas. Our pool of the very wealthy is not huge and we were simply never able to convince that particular group that the Orthodox in Kansas need a Museum--a tiny Museum with two full-time staff. This lack of support stems in part from problems built in to the structure of the organization from the beginning--problems that we could just never overcome. So, even though we are a headline in Topeka, Kansas (several times), that simply doesn't translate into an operating budget adequate to maintain the quality that we were known for.

Tuesday, July 6, 2004
The last day that we were open. Victoria described it as being like attending your own funeral. 106 people came. A couple brought flowers, someone came up from Wichita with brownies, someone else brought Champaign. Many many friends came--people who have been supporters of the museum since we opened. Most of them are non-Orthodox but who are interested in culture and spirituality in some way. We also had a number of first-time visitors who have been meaning to get down but kept putting it off. The whole day was like a party. It was touching.