Thursday, September 20, 2007


defective yeti links to this manifesto and heated discussion against the use of nuts in certain foods. It is hilarious and when I mentioned it to Jaime, she suggested I compose my own manifesto against fruit and chocolate. Great idea. Here it goes:

"Don't combine fruit and chocolate. It's disgusting."


Need some clarification? Don't dip fruits in chocolate. Don't put fruit in chocolate candy or cake. Don't combine fruit-flavored things with chocolate flavored things.

Don't get me wrong (well, you can if you want, I don't care), I love fruit and I'm so into chocolate that I may have to have estrogen therapy in my post-middle-age years. But the two of them together are gross. The best analogue I can think of is Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Both are good actors who have done some lovely work separately. Together, they are a disaster--three movies that should be purged from our collective cultural consciousness. The one exception I can think of is the banana. Bananas are tolerable with chocolate--especially if ice cream is involved. Bananas and chocolate are like "Joe Versus the Volcano--" Acceptable in certain circumstances.

But that is it.

I love nuts in just about anything, though. I'll eat nuts with fruit, nuts with chocolate, but not fruit, nuts, and chocolate--unless the fruit is a banana, and there is ice cream involved. I know what you are thinking--"what do you do with the fudge and fruit toppings in a banana split?" Well, I haven't had a banana split in about 25 years, but I recall it takes some work to avoid the parts where the fruit and fudge toppings mix. Frankly, if I ordered one now, I would simply forgo the fudge altogether. Ice cream, strawberries, pineapple, and the cherry (not to mention, the nuts) are reward enough to put off chocolate until I'm done and have cleansed my palate.

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