down (up) with words

The latest super-useful word is "down." It is a perfect compliment to his increasingly stubborn and willful disposition. Often, when being picked up against his will, he will raise his arm's so that the lifter no longer has the advantage of hooking their hands in his armpits. He will yell "DOWN!" as he does this. He also yells "down" when in his crib, highchair, carseat, or on the bed.

But recently, he has started up something new with down. Most situations that call for down involve being in an uncomfortable or unhappy spot in view of a better, more fun spot. As a result "down" has come to mean, "improve my general situation." Today, Jaime brought David to the office so we could lunch together. I had to show him off to everyone. At one point, he was standing on the floor while my boss tried to make friends. Suddenly, he bent over, touching the floor, and said "down."

"Um, you are down," I replied. "Do you mean 'up?'"

He raises his arms, "up!" I pick him up.

Later, meeting someone else, he turned and hugged his mom's legs and said, "down."

"Do you mean 'up?'"

"Up!"

lies! all lies!

I just discovered that an alum from my high school has a blog. Even though she only uses her first name, Alisha, I have deduced that it is the Alisha I know based on these two facts.

1) She is in New York, where I happen to know Alisha went.
2) Her comments are populated by people named Dan, Missy, and Valerie (through whose blog I found Alisha's). Those are the name of the people in the social circle to whom Alisha belonged in high school.

This social circle even had a name--"The [name of my high school] Players." As you might guess, the "Players" were our high school's elite cast of Baseball Players--those students most likely to go on to actually achieve professional, or at least minor league, status in the Great American Sport. In spite of my fondness for the game, I never became a player for two important reasons unrelated to lack of talent:

1) Some pretty serious doping allegations among the upper classmen
2) I'm sure you can all relate to this: as much as one may like baseball playing, one may not actually like having to be around baseball players.

But the Players did well. As I mentioned, Alisha is in New York, so I assume that she is working her way up through the New York Highlanders club. Val, as we all know, plays for the Twins. I don't know about Dan and Missy. Alisha makes a reference to Missy's kids, but I can't confirm that they are Dan's as well.

Meanwhile, David ran up to me in church this evening squealing "daddy!" It was a proud moment. Then, while I was holding him, he leaned towards our priest's wife, pointed, and said "daddy!"

good morning

when I'm getting ready to go to work early in the morning

and David wakes up

plays with his fingers contentedly for awhile

and then stands up and sees me

and says "hi!"

and then points excitedly at mommy still in bed and runs through his
list, "daddy, nanna, papa, meemameema!"

jumps up and down and squeels and giggles

and I take him out of his crib and put him on the edge of the bed

and he crawls to her squeeling and gives her head a hug and a kiss

and rolls over on his back leaning against her with his arms spread out
and giggles and blushes

when they sit on the bed and read as the morning sun brightens the room

that is a good morning.

The fun doesn't stop there

So, as I kick back tonight I (after finishing a 10 page paper) I thought I would share what I am enjoying.

First: Yahoo Launch Music. Favorite stations for the moment, Big Hits of the 80's and 90's.

Favorite website which reminds me of highschool: http://www.webguys.com/pdavis/karate/tikwanleep.html

listening to it puts a smile on my face every time I hear the boot hit the head.

Enjoy!

Now it's just painful

Total apologies for such a long absence. Jason is working and I'm working on going nuts. It doesn't leave us much time to blog, especially with JackJack walking around now.

So here I am, drinking wine, celebrating the fact that I am almost done with my undergrad. Let us all have a moment of silence for the last three painful years......

Please mail generous portions of sanity to my PO Box so I can get through grad school next year.

But enough about me, you are all here for David, right?

Well, he is now super mobile. He has not mastered running or wallking for long periods of time, but he is getting there. Now we have to be extra watchful of the dave devil and his love of stairs. Yup, we still do not have a baby gate for the stairs. Our motto is, "Whatever doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger". Now, whether that applies to us and our heart conditions, or David and his body, its hard to tell. I bet we could get rid of every toy in the house except the Motzart cube, the LeapFrog book, and all the balls and David could content himself on the stairs with those toys until prom.

Two new baby toy ideas:
The Bungee Harness for the stairs. It enables the parents to safely leave Jr. on the steps for hours with minimal risk of bodily injury. Comes with a free kit for Nurfing the stairs so as to provide a softer land.
Baby StairMaster. Complete with a ball fixed in the front so baby always has his goal in sight. Not only does it provide hours of fun without the nasty side effects of conventional stairs and gravity, it also helps baby work off that stubborn baby fat.

So, yeah, he still loves the stairs. I took him for a walk tonight and he totally stopped at the base of every set of stairs we passed in the hopes of a quick climb. Mountain Climbing Doctors of America, I have your poster child. Step aside Gerber Baby, Here comes JackJack David, Mt. Everest Baby.

If anyone would like to invest in a rock climbing wall for Christmas we would really appreciate it.

New Favorite Word: AaaBee (Abey- family dog)
Word/Phrase mom wants him to say: Nana Sushi (a.k.a. Grandma Susie)
Most endearing action/moment: Every morning when Jason puts him in bed with me and he crawls over and says MaMa and comes in for the hug and kiss. This is the only time during the day he is this affectionate. Melts my heart everytime. Which is good for him because I am getting tired of the sleepless nights.
New favorite sound: (David, what sound does a lion make?) Roar! Way cute.

As the semester ends and I get a little bit of a break I would like to personally thank from the bottom of my heart all the people who have helped me get by:
Jason, I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you more every day.
Carla and Alex, you guys rock! Thank you so much for all of your generosity, support, and free babysitting. Thank you for putting up with us : )
Nikki, Thank you for watching David, being cool, having an awesome son who likes to play with David, and getting those super cute puppies.
Mom & Steve, the jet setting vaccation destination. You take care of us all and we are forever grateful.
Dad & Kim, Our KC connection. Thank you for always providing a place to hang and a sitter for the movies.
Fr. Joseph, You have kept us going. Thank you so much for being a wonderful support and friend.
Fr. John, God Bless you and Keep you always. May your memory be eternal.
All of our friends and relatives, we could not survive without your love and support. Thank you for always being there for us.
I would also like to thank the Acadamy for finally acknowledging my talents in the role of mother wife and student. I would like to thank my agent for landing me such challenging roles.....oh, wait, I think I have gone too far. My bad.

With much love,
jaime

it walks

I get home last night after David has gone to bed and mom has this story: she was in the office, he was in our bedroom being too quiet. Just as she was about to go see what he was up to, he strolled into the office carrying my belt. Then he moseyed to the top of the stairs and flung it down the stairs. After she gave the belt back, he ambled into her bedroom.

As you can imagine, I am pretty hurt that, without warning, he up and decides to walk when his mother and I are not around.

This morning I got him up in time to get some walking action in before taking him to the sitter's and going back to KC. I repeatedly stood him and he repeatedly dropped to his butt like it has never occurred to him that knees are for anything but crawling.

I get back to town this afternoon and Alex says that he has shown no signs whatsoever of walking. He'll stand for long periods of time, but he has been doing that for awhile. Big deal. Don't get far in life just standing around looking cute unless you are Vanna White, or a model, or part of a highway work crew . . . but I digress.

By this point, I am pretty sure that all of mom's fast living has caught up with her and she is suffering from some vivid "dreams."

Then after his nap, I gave him my belt, stood him up, and stepped back.

He walked to me.

Then, he walked all over the place.

The belt is kind of funny. Later in the evening, he would finally walk with his hands empty, but earlier, he had to have something in them. He would hold my belt out in front of him and then walk a sort of Frankenstein-monster-walk that gave the appearance that really, the belt was about three inches away from him and he was chasing it. Or perhaps it was really important to get the belt somewhere--important enough to just get up and walk. Without the belt, he just keeps his hands out in front of him waiting for something to come by that he can grab on to.

Crawling is still the preferred mode of transportation, but I am guessing that in about a week, he will forget all about it.

Later, walking fans.

new job! for real this time

For your sense of security, I am going to establish a brief joke-free zone so that you can feel comfortable responding emotionally without fear of being publicly mocked on the World Wide Web.

//begin humor-free//

I received the phone call today from one of the companies with whom I interviewed last week. I will essentially be an account rep. for a service division of a publishing company. I will have nothing to do with the publishing, though, so please don't send me your manuscript. Assuming I pass the physical and drug test tomorrow, I will start work on Monday. This brings an end to a dry spell punctuated with a series of rejections for positions that I could do with my eyes closed. The new job will be very similar to work I have done before, but the professional relationships will more in-depth and will involve more responsibility on my part. I looks like an exciting challenge--I am looking forward to it.

For the sake of internet privacy, am not going to reveal any more.

//end humor-free//

Other than to say it involves infiltrating black-market Pizzarias that are using Canadian bacon to smuggle terrorist herbs-and-spices into Wisconsin to add zest to suicide-bombers' last meals of hummus and white bread.

but I can say no more--to many lives are at stake.

But this blog is supposed to be about David--where does he fit in? Well, David will continue to freeload, depleting resources while contributing only cuteness and constant stream of inane babble. On a positive note, he has helped us out by switching from formula, which costs $arm-and-leg.00 per ounce, to simple milk, which costs $0.025 per ounce.

later, milk fans

The Rt. Rev. John Platko , 1948-2005

I received the news Sunday evening that Fr. John, the priest that Christmated me, baptized Jaime-Mary, and married us, fell asleep in the Lord. I have made a couple of attempts to write to you about how this man touched our lives, how deeply we love him and how we will miss him. But it just does not work in this forum. Anyone who knows Jaime and I personally know how wonderful Fr. John is.

Holy Trinity Orthodox Church has posted his obituary: "Words cannot capture this inspirational mentor who led with dignity and humility. He guided his parishioners selflessly to the light of truth and wisdom. Too often self-effacing, he never reveled in his position, but served all his days. Whether administering communion or teaching, he inspired in the virtual sense of the word. He breathed life into all with whom he came into contact and into the life of the Church.

May Father John’s memory be eternal!"

norman's not funny

On Monday, April 18, 2005, at 03:27 AM, you wrote:

Are you serious about DY?

I was going to reply with an uber-hot flaming rip of
an email explaining that this was just a joke that you perhaps did not
get.

Then I received another email someone else congratulating me on the DY
gig.

This is why I am not getting paid to write humor.

It reminds me of a story. Want to hear it? 'goes like this.

I used to work for a company which did not have a dress code.
Generally, that was ok, but sometimes people really went too far. One
day, Melissa came to work in denim cut-offs, a white t-shirt, and
grungy tennis shoes sans socks. Melissa was an
actress/model whose appearance was generally very professional. I
forget what her explanation was for the slumming--I was way too busy
making fun of her. The next day while Will, the Chief Operating
Officer, was out of his office, I snuck in and composed an email from
him to the whole group explaining the new dress code. I peppered the
email with all kinds of absurdities (so I thought) to indicate the
joke. At one point I used Melissa as an illustration of how not to
dress and used myself as an illustration of how to dress. I said that
"I" (Will) was going to hire "Jason" to be "my" personal fashion
consultant. I figured that by the end it would be very clear that
Jason was typing from Will's machine.

I was stunned by the number of people who almost did not get it. What
was even funnier was the number of people who only realized it was a
joke when they reached the very last line, which read, "Love, Will."
That was the give-away, which was bizarre because Will is a very
loving guy. For instance, even after that email, I was allowed to
keep my job.

new job!

Updates to this blog might be kind of sporadic from now on because I just found out that I'm the new Defective Yeti.

As you may have read, Matthew Baldwin just went from Pretty Ok Guy, to Pope. You might think "what great luck" being chosen like that, but his story--like most of his blog--is not exactly true. Here is the scoop: I've been corresponding with him for quite awhile and learning his tricks of the trade--to quote a phrase I'll have to get used to. One day he took me to a chat room and he told me his secret. "I am not Defective Yeti" he said. "My name is Ryan; I inherited the blog from the previous Defective Yeti, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Defective Yeti either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Defective Yeti has been retired 15 years and is the Patriarch of Constantinople"

Apparently being a humor blogger is simply preparation for inevitably becoming a major religious leader. I don't think that it is coincidence that I take over this post within a decade of the probable retirement Metropolitan Philip, the Archbishop of the Antiochian Orthodox Christians in America.

You might be scratching your head and thinking, "but Jason, DY is funny and all you do is wring your hands about wether your kid is going to be stupid because his bathtub is the wrong color." Well, with new administrations come change and one of the first changes I will introduce to DY is turning off the comments so that you can keep those thoughts to yourself.

later, DJJ/DY fans

terror reloaded

The old mild alarment:

• stand on landing
• place both hands on the second step, knees on the first step.
• hands on the third step, knees on the second step
• repeat until the top is reached.

The new terror

• stand up on the first step, turn to the banister
• gripping the banister and spindles, put the forward foot up on the next step
• pull trailing foot up to the step
• repeat
• occasionally, slip, catching self with hands and feet LIKE SOME SORT OF MOUNTAIN CLIMBER WHILE YOUR FATHER'S HEART STOPS
  

mercury, it's bad for babies

Dad sent me this some time ago.

It ticks me off.

12-month check up

(current photo)

Today we visited Dr. Cohlburn for David's 12-month checkup.

He is the picture of health. According to the information given us by the nurse, he is doing everything that a one-year-old ought to be doing:

• Regular scream-loudness tests? Check
• Terrifying parents with daring feats? Check
• Pulling dangerous/breakable objects on top of self? Check
• Kissing the dog? Check

When the doctor listened to his heart with the steth, Jaime showed him how to inhale deeply and let it out, which he did--so cute.

When the doctor asked about words, Jaime sang "She loves you!" and he replied "yeah, yeah, yeah" right on cue.

When we gave him tamborines and played our organ, he did somersaults.

When two nurses shoved needles into his chubby chubby thighs, he became all fire and shot laserbeams from his eyes.

He is 23 pounds, 9.9 oz. That puts him in the 58th percentile, the same percentage as the increase in blog readership in 2004.

He is 31 inches tall/long. That is the 81st percentile, the same as the percentage of ten-year-olds who are afraid of being fat.

Later fat-fearing fans.

terror is

(Marcel Duchamp, Nude Descending a Staircase, 1912)

Watching him descend the stairs by himself.

He stands on the top step facing the banister and holding the spindles
with both hands.

He kneels to his knees and lowers his left foot down to the next step.

He readjusts his weight, moves his hands over to the next spindles, and
brings down the trailing foot.

He repeats the above until he's reached the landing.

While I remained less than an inch away the whole time, I didn't touch
him.

in/out

(David not pictured. That is the baby that came with the toy. We had
to recycle him along with the rest of the packaging.)

Grandma Susie and Grandpa Stevey bought him a Clifford the Big Red Dog
Ride On toy for his birthday. David's legs are still too stubby to get
on and off of it himself, but that is OK. There is another feature
that far surpasses riding Clifford down the stairs. Clifford has a
door in his back, making him a cubby-hole on wheels. When David
discovered this, his world was forever changed. His new hobby became
Putting Things in Clifford and Taking Them Out Again. He spent a
couple of days just experimenting with what he could put in the dog. I
would watch as he tried to fit in toys that were way too large for the
opening. One day he dedicated a portion of his morning to stuffing a
pair of mommy's pajamas inside Clifford.

But life is not all about stuffing dogs. There are also cribs to empty.

His other "game" is to let us know that he is unhappy by pitching his
pacifier out of the crib. He still sleeps with a bink--actually two
binks, one in his mouth, the other in his hands that compulsively
fidget until he is in a deep sleep. Usually, a third bink is present
as well since they get hidden in the crevasses where only he can find
them. If he doesn't get a response out of us by throwing the first
bink out, then the others will follow. Then his blanket, then Ice Bat
and anything else that might in there. He will do the same thing when
he is in his play pen, but it's more dramatic since he has many other
toys in the pen. But he is patient and will take as much time as he
needs to be sure that everything gets tossed.

fancy baby parts

fancy baby parts for sale
coos, and cries, and farts
laughs are cheap
and grins are nearly free

circleback

I'm mentioned on Daddy Types, the weblog for new dads!

In the interest of full-disclosure, I must mention that I emailed him my stroller review.

Later, Daddy-blog fans.

i bet she'll say it knocked her sox off

Drew Barrymore

In a romantic comedy

About baseball

So, Skylar, where is your review of Fever Pitch?

our stroller

Although he mentions it, Daddytypes never actually reviews our stroller, so I thought I would share.

We like to take walks. However, most of the sidewalks in our neighborhood look like this.
I wanted the biggest wheels that I could afford and that were available locally (I wasn't willing to buy online sight-unseen).

First, we bought a standard jogging stroller, but those are a pain. The front wheel is rigid for safety, so to turn them you have to push down on the handle, lifting the front wheel off of the ground--pain in the bottom. We returned it.

The Kolcraft Jeep Liberty Limited Urban Terrain, on the other hand, maneuvers like a dream. It has a spacious cargo carrier under the seat as well as two saddle bags attached to the outside of the frame where you can put small items and forget about them forever. The wheels are fairly large and inflatable making for a fairly smooth ride over most terrain. It is tall enough that I can stand up straight and push it without kicking it as long as I don't try to rush. David loves it most of the time. A couple of days ago, I realized that he is big enough to reach the tray so I attached the optional steering-wheel toy with horn.

The model we bought also comes with speakers for your portable audio device of choice and little compartment to put it in. I could have done without that and we have never used it except to hold misc. pieces of paper.

Five-point harness. Two cup holders for the pusher, two for the baby. Looks killer.

Cons--it's not perfect:

While it is certainly not the largest on the market, it is not small. It does not fold down as compactly as some of it four-wheel equivalents. Generally, it stays at home waiting for us to go on a walk or we take it when we know we are going to be at the park or out strolling for an extended period of time. For trips to the mall, we just use the one of the two umbrella strollers that Toys "R" Us gave us.

The seat back adjusts up and down with a slider on strings which is great for adjusting it just like we want it, but this system prevents the seat from sitting completely upright. I am going to get a little pillow to help him sit up properly.

I have read these cons at Epinions: tipping hazard, wheels come off if not put on correctly, the baby can remove the tray. I could see it tipping when he is big enough to crawl out, but it seems unlikely--especially if you keep the kid harnessed as you should. I put the wheels on correctly, but I have lots of experience assembling stuff, so it may be an issue for the less experienced. The front tray swings out to the side for installation and extraction of the baby. Ours is very tight, David will never be able to open it on his own. Not that he would want to; he wouldn't be able to honk the horn.

Eventually, I would like something intermediate. The umbrella stroller is light and compact, but has no cargo space. Since baby=equipment, I will eventually get something small and light, but with a basket underneath for trips to the mall/doctor's/etc.

how google works

Google Technology: "When a search query is submitted to Google, it is routed to a data coop where monitors flash result pages at blazing speeds. When a relevant result is observed by one of the pigeons in the cluster, it strikes a rubber-coated steel bar with its beak,"