Wednesday, November 02, 2005

you can probably smell it from where you are

Oh, gross. And I don't mean gross like, "ew." I mean gross like "oh, the humanity." Sinking, burning metaphors-of-mankind's-hubris levels of disgusting, foul, rotten, grossness.

It wasn't just the volume, although it was easily in the top three for his lifetime. It wasn't just the smell, even though I'm going to need smelling salts to get rid of the memory. It wasn't just the texture even though we could market that texture to a house of horrors.

About 40 minutes ago, David woke up crying inconsolably. Jaime had been trying and trying to comfort him to no avail. She was in the bedroom rocking him and I was working at the computer since I am useless during these situations with my current, nearly presidential, lack of popularity in the 0-2 age range.

Then I heard a noise. This is the funny thing--I didn't note hearing a noise at the time that I heard it. It was kind of like noticing the heater turn off even though you did not notice it was on. I couldn't describe the noise now, but it registered for later use. Specifically one second later, when Jaime called for help.

"That was the sound of barf hitting the floor," I thought to myself as I rushed from the office, "a lot of it."

Specifically, everything he ate today looking almost like the first time we saw it, but with extra grossness added, and smelling like long-dead animals. I ran in and grabbed towels and began catching what continued to come out of him in a slow, unforced way. It wasn't so much throwing up as it was simply giving it back--with a smell.

He felt better after that. We mega-cleaned while he sat on the bed, sipped water, and played with keys.

After half a box of wipes, a laundry load of clothes, towels, and unfortunate stuffed animals, Jaime is coaxing him back to sleep.

I can still smell the smell.

Update: 6:30 am 11.3.05: he awoke again at 1:00 am crying and crying. Again, Jaime was trying to console him. We were discussing options. She said he was sick. I said I didn't really think so. David broke the tie vote by barfing again! Cheney should do that on the Senate floor next time they are deadlocked. Court clerk, "On S.659--The Human Chimera Prohibition Act of 2005" the vote is 42-42. How do you vote, mr. Vice-President?"
Cheney: "[technicolor cough]"
Clerk: "um, is that a yay or ney?"

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