cryin'

David & Jason, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Mom has this image on her computer's desktop. David spied it a couple of nights ago.

Daddy and David!
Can you say "daddy and me?"
Daddy and David and me! What's he doing?
He's looking at you because you were laughing at the monkey. Do you remember the monkey?
Yeah. Daddy's cryin'.
Daddy's watching you laugh.
Daddy's cryin'
Why is daddy crying?
Cryin' for mommy
Is daddy missing mommy?
Yeah

two

Today, David is two. He has been acting two for several months now, so I am not expecting any major behavioral milestones except maybe to start acting 32 and getting a job and contributing positively to the household finances.

He certainly doesn't care that he is two. If I say "Happy Birthday" to him, he says "Happy Birthday" back. But when he gets a gift--ohhhh, he is sooo thrilled. "Look! I have something new to fill my treasure chests of toddler booty! I'm king of the world!" Several different people have sung "Happy Birthday" to him, which pleases him, but also perplexes him a bit. "Why are all these people singing the same song? Did I miss a memo?"

Even though he has been acting two and can do all the things a two-year-old can do (we've changed our last name to "Yogurt," so he has hit that last milestone), I am surprised by my own reaction to this birthday. I still feel like I missed something "He's two? That's a lot, isn't it? That's like 730 days, I don't remember 730 days. If I count them up, I get, maybe 550, tops."

Today, I read back over the what I posted for his first birthday. I was blissfully unemployed and we spent spring break in Colorado with grandma Susie and Grandpa Steve. David was extremely sick--sicker that ever before or since. In that post, I was able to give a brief summary of his developmental milestones. This year, I couldn't even begin to summarize all of the things he can do. Last year, I had a short list of words he was saying. This year, I would have to provide a short list of conversations he can have, including:

"How are you doing today, daddy?" (to the untrained ear, this sounds more like "hoayoudoontday daddy?")
"I'm doing very well, thank you. How are you doing?"
"Good, thanks"

"Would you like an apple or some melon?"
"Mellon."

This is a cool one, because he can be presented with several things and choose. Similarly, he can string together lists of things with "and," as in the crib role call "David and baby and meemo and elmo and grover and bat."

"Can you tell mommy what you saw today?"
"Helicopter!"

His recall from memory began several months ago when we would blurt out words related to people or events seen hours or even days previously. Now, we can ask him about his day and get a report of the most significant two or three items.

At one, David would hold up one finger when asked how old he is. We have not been working on this for two. "One" was easy because he was already pointing and we just started calling that "one." For all he knew, the question, "How old are you" meant, "point at the ceiling." Now our ruse is exposed.

When he was one I could sing, "she loves you. . ." and he would respond, "yeah, yeah, yeah." Well, now he has quite a repertoire of songs including, "Row Your Boat," "Wheels on the Bus," "Itsy Bitsy Spider,"Wie schon leuchtet der Morgenstern," etc.

At one, he could stack one block atop another. He has pretty much mastered stacking blocks. Now, I try get him to imitate block patterns. I set down two blocks and ask him to choose from the three block in front of him which ones match and to lay them out in the same pattern. He is getting good at most two-block patterns, but usually cannot get three-block patterns.

He pretends. You've seen the train boxes. He will also get on the floor under his highchair and push it around calling it his car. He will put his arms in front of him and run around saying he is Superman. He gets that from Collin, the babysitter's four-year-old. He pretends to talk with and feed his stuffed animals and doll. He can also pretend that I am not in the room asking him to pick up his toys. He is very good at this. I can even be holding him and he can pretend like I don't exist. Pretty impressive, huh?

Actually, that last one is kind of reminiscent of two years ago as well, when everything but food and sleep was ignored. When, in fact, he could be ignored for half the day. When all his little parts were so tiny and fragile that I could not imagine that he could ever be the talking, climbing, running, pretending, excited little person that it would only take him 730 days to become.

two-year checkup

David went to the doctor's for this two-year check up. He checks out. Clean bill of health and Jaime said Dr. Colburn didn't even bother with the checklist of milestones since it is clear that David has met all of them except that doesn't say his last name, which is our fault. We have tried to teach him to say "David Gilbert," but he says "David Yogurt" instead, which is soooo cute!

He is 35 inches tall, which is in the 72nd percentile, the same as the percentage of troops on the ground in Iraq who think U.S. military forces should get out of the country within a year.

He is 28 pounds, which is the 53rd percentile, the same as the percentage of men who spend less than two minutes picking out clothes.

"They" say that you are half your final height by age 2, which will put David at 70 inches--5 feet, 10 inches. Using the (mom's height=dad's height+5)/2 gets us to 5 feet 11 inches. I'll update this post in 18 years with the verdict.

later, yogurt fans.

three new words and a film recommendation

"Popmosis" n. the (usually involuntary) accumulation knowledge about pop-cultural events with which you have no direct experience.

"Where have I seen that actor before?"
"The 'OC'"
"How do you know that, you don't watch TV?"
"Popmosis"

I came up with it last night while seeing "Shopgirl" at the dollar theater. If you like "Lost in Translation," then I recommend it. If you don't, I don't. I have decided that Clair Danes and Scarlett Johansson are interchangeable vis a vis Hollywood roles.

The second new word is related to the first: "Lostmosis." n. the replacement of useless academic knowledge with useless pop knowledge.

"I used to be able to explain the General Theory of Relativity, but due to affects of lostmosis, I can now explain how the Matrix works."

The last word, I am sure someone else has come up with: "Cheney" v. 1) to shoot someone in the face. 2) Fig. seriously impede, but not complete stop, a process or idea.

"Yeah, my boss totally cheneyed my idea for a departmental reoganization, but I can still go to upper management with it."

I think "cheney" could be the new "postal," if postal workers would stop cheneying their coworkers.

bite tina

"Bite Tina"
"? . . . um . . . no. . . only one person bites Tina, baby."
"Bite Tina"
" . . . no . . .? . . . (looks at what is in her hand) tortilla?"
"Bite, tortilla"

the episode of south park tom cruise doesn't want you to see

Easily, the best explanation of Scientology I've ever seen. (note, if you are not familiar with South Park, then, well, I don't want to be the person that introduces you to it, so go look at some pictures of David and come back later. thanks)

reading: blogging about a tumor

From Geezers United: The Online Presence Of Tom Lunt "What are the eleven words you least want to hear your from your doctor (that donÂ’t involve your junk)?

"'You have a brain tumor the size of a golf ball.'”

I think that it is fascinating when something bizarre happens to an established and articulate writer who is willing and able to provide insight into our inner workings. (via Metafilter)

i would have thought they would float

Apparently not.

CONGRATULATIONS LILY!

I am sure you clearly recall that, less than 36 hours before David was born, Jaime's cousin, Michelle, gave birth her first child, Samuel. I have just recieved word that Michele's second child, Lily, arrived this morning. Lily weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and was 20” tall/long. She was born hungry. Everyone is well.

Congratulations and Many Years to Lily, Samuel, Michelle, Carey, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, cousins, etc. etc.

step right on up

David, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Due to popular demand, I have finally gotten all of the photos of David and me loaded to Flickr. Click on the image to be taken to them and spend the next hour "oooh"ing and "ahhh"ing. You might want to just invest in an ooooh-ahhhh machine to save your voice.

Eventually, you will wonder where Jaime is. Well, truth be told, I made her up. The boy followed me home one day, so I decided to keep him and I needed a plausible story. "Married a girl, had a baby" was the best thing I could think of at the time.

Enjoy.

ied

From the police briefs in the Topeka Capital Journal:

Police examine explosives

A suspicious object found at about 3:20 a.m. Tuesday by a Topeka police officer on patrol in the 1100 block of S.W. Western appears to be multiple homemade improvised explosive devices, said police department spokeswoman Kristi Pankratz.

The police department's bomb unit used the bomb robot to remove the object, which was found in the street, from the area. It was taken to a secure location for further examination, Pankratz said.

This is interesting because, well, we live on the 1100 block of S.W. Western. We all know from listening the news that IEDs on side streets are part of ethnic conflicts, as opposed to IEDs on main thoroghfares, which are directed at the occupational forces by the insurgency. The 1100 block of S.W. Western is a side street so, apparently, we have some brewing ethnic tensions right here in River City.

444444444444

OK, I am finally getting around the meme that Fr. Matthew tagged me with.

4 jobs you have had in your life

1. Hardees frontline
2. Museum security, frontdesk, design dept
3. Curator
4. Writer (briefly, but it was a job, shut up)

4 movies you could watch over and over

1. The Winter Guest
2. Koyaanisqatsi
3. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
4. About a Boy

4 places you have lived

1. Topeka, Kansas
   
2. Anaheim, California
3. Lawrence, Kansas
   
4. Kansas City, Missouri
   

4 TV shows you love to watch
I don't understand the question

4 places you have been on vacation

1. St. Louis, Missouri
   
2. Chicago, Illinois
   
3. London, Luxembourg, Cordoba, Granada, Tangiers, Marrakesh, Sevilla, Paris, Rotterdam, Hull
4. Branson, Missouri
   

4 websites you visit daily

1. Dooce
2. Defective Yeti
3. DailyMumps
4. Chase Me Ladies, I'm In the Calvary
   

4 of your favorite foods

1. Chocolate covered espresso beans
2. This Flemish Stew that Jaime made a couple of weeks ago that is the first time ever the essencial platonic form of "stew" itself was perfectly expressed as matter
3. Horiatiki
4. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich

4 places you'd rather be right now

1. Just about anywhere overseas
2. In a park anywhere warm
3. On my bicycle
4. My book tour

4 bloggers you are tagging

1. Val (payback)
2. Skylar
3. Jaime
4. um, I don't personally know too many bloggers, actually.

missed turtle

Jaime just wrote me the following:

you should have come to the doc appointment today. you could have shared in my worries.

the nurses are not used to listening for the heartbeat so early and today they were looking in the wrong spot and couldn't find it. they made me wait for a long time until doc wiley could do a sono to make sure everything was ok.

the baby was way up by me belly button thanks to my over full bladder. didn't get a beat count but doc said everything looks good and he thinks i am a bit ahead. he puts me at 13-14 weeks which would put me due right at the end of august.

the baby looked like a turtle. any turtles on your side?

chicken ship

I didn't know you could mail a chicken.

Today, I went to the post office to mail you your photos of David. For that matter, I mailed you my photo as well, since Jaime did the dividing while I was at work and didn't leave me any. I waited in line behind a Latina with two young girls. After she walked away I notice some of the postal employees peering curiously into her parcel. It was a tall, rectangular box with a pointed top, like the nave of an English-Gothic church, but with round air holes in it. But this was no ship for the human soul (which is against postal regulations), this was a poultry parcel. I asked where it was headed. She was shipping it to Arkansas.

I have spent the rest of the night wondering why a Latino mother would ship a chicken to Arkansas. I know that there is, or at least was, a school there for training people to train chickens to do tricks as a way to provide practical skills in the application of B.F. Skinner's "Operant Conditioning" in animal training. Was she a student turning homework?

Did she have a dark past involving a chicken farmer?

Was it a threat? A gift? Redemption? Perhaps she was once a migrant laborer on a poor farm in Arkansas who once stole a chicken from her employer. Later, she came to know him better, even to love him when he helped her get a leg up in society. Now that she is stable and secure, she is returning his chicken. Or better yet--they had an affair and he gave her the chicken but refused to leave his wife. Bitter, she is returning the gift--but with a little extra added. You see their relationship developed when he capitalized on her illegal status to force her into assisting with drug smuggling from SE Asia. He abandoned their relationship, and refused to leave his wife when he suspected her of being in love with one of the dealers from Rangoon. In revenge she persuaded that dealer to send her this chicken, which is infected with bird flu. What she doesn't know is that her girls secretly opened the box to pet the bird and will be the first victims of her wrath.

turtlehead

Excited by my newly-found powers, I've been digging through my criminally sparse archive footage of the boy. Here is a lost episode from his first few weeks on the outside.

ghost

another portrait

another portrait, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

During the shoot, one of the employees was jumping around with a stuffed

monkey and playing hide-and-seek and David could hardly contain

himself. I had to look.

portrait

portrait, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

We got "professional" pictures of David this weekend. They gave us a

disk of low-res. (read, not printable) images of the shoot. So, over

the next week or so, I'll be posting some of them for your viewing pleasure.

david in training

You have stayed with me as I learn to post images on this blog. Now, it is time for us to learn to work with video. Note: if you access the internet by dialing up on your phone, you probably cannot try this. You are most likely my grandma and grandpa and I promise I'll just bring the cam-corder over so you can watch it.

cheesecake factory--no

The Cheesecake Factory 6675 West 119th Street, Overland Park, KS does not have a changing table in the men's room. This surprised me since it is located in a town whose whole raison d'etre is making sure our children have every possible advantage in life.

When we were seated, the host brought us a high chair, went away, and imeadiately returned with a plate containing several thin slices of bruchetta and four slices of banana, set in front of David, and left without comment. That impressed me. It impressed David as well.

evil david

-- . . . but deliver us
-- 'd'l'ver us
-- from evil
-- from eagle
-- from evil
-- from eagle
-- eeee
-- eeee
-- vul
-- vul
-- eeee-vul
-- eeee-vul . . . "eagle," daddy!
-- "evil," David!

why is this the best valentine's day ever?

Why is this the best Valentine's day ever?

A woman said these words to me:

. . . that's the mom's heartbeat . . .

. . .and. . .

. . . that's the baby's heartbeat. . . 174 beats per minute. Perfect for a ten-and-a-half-week-old.

And, I might add, the tempo of the Viennese Waltz.

UPDATE: I first got my Viennese Waltz tempo info here, but decided to link to the page mentioned above because it is more interesting. I didn't notice at the time the clear contradiction to my original information about the tempo of this dance. Clearly, we have gained some insight into the unreliability of information found on the Web as well as the serious, perhaps fatal, divisions within the Viennese Waltz community.

But, I digress.

Cheney Fires First Volley in Campaign-Finance-Reform Revolution

VP expected to announce bid for 2008 presidential race soon with an "Eff'm all, take no prisoners" platform. Insiders speculate Charleton Heston top pick for running mate.

in other news: NRA Plans Rally in Kingsville, Texas.

seven things (or less)

You know those annoying emails people used to send out asking you a bunch of uninsightful questions about yourself that you had to complete and then pass on to someone? Well the concept has developed a new life in blogging called a "meme." The main difference is that a "meme" has a hip, Greek term so people do it voluntarily. In the past month, Val and Fr. Matthew have tagged me with two different memes--that is they have listed me as someone to complete the quiz at the end of the one they completed. I have been putting it off for reasons that will become appearant shortly. I'll start with the "Seven Things" meme Val threw at me.

Here goes...

7 things I want to do before I die

1. Theosis
2. Publish a book
3. Become an expert in something
4. Lean to play a musical instrument (violin)
5. Experience what it is like to be in a small boat far enough out in the ocean not to be able to see the shore.
6. You know, get some things worked out
7. Develop more ambition

7 things I can't do

1. Understand exactly how you see things
2. Get you to understand exactly how I see things
3. Think creatively when faced with a meme
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 things that attract me to other people

1. Humility
2. Having something to teach me
3. Being attracted to me
4. Ability to develop own ideas
5. Pheremones
6. . . .
7. Honestly, I have no idea


7 things I say most often

1. "How do you ask nicely?"
2. "Lord have mercy"
3. "Good [morning/afternoon], this is Jason"
4. "#@%*!"
5. "I sooo, need to update the blog"
6.
7.

7 books or series I love

1. Bible, esp, the Gospel of John
2. Narrow Road to the Interior by Basho
3. The Ender Series through book four "Children of the Mind"
4. Unseen Warfare
5. The Great Divorce
6. Where the Sidewalk Ends
7. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

7 movies I can watch over and over

1. The Winter Guest
2. Koyaanisqatsi
3. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
4. About a Boy
5. Matrix
6. The Incredibles
7. Notting Hill

7 people I want to join in

1. Fr Matthew (out of spite)
2. I'm kind of late to this, so most of the people I know who blog have done it or have been tagged by someone else. So, I'll just remind:
3. Skylar
4. Jaime
5.
6.
7.

observation

My dad eats sunflower seeds a mouthful at a time, slowly spitting out the shells, one by one.

My son eats apples a mouthful at a time, spitting out the skins bit by bit.

yellow balloon

yellow balloon, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Cory David

Cory David, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

"You said you were going to tell him the couch doesn't match the wallpaper."
"No, I said you have to tell him."

Brice David

Brice David, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

saturday at dad's

Saturday, David and I went to Salina to help Grandpa Brice convalesce after a minor procedure. In the car on the way, David verified the itinerary:

Grandpa Brice?
Yes, we're going to see Grandpa Brice.
Uncle Cory?
Yep, Uncle Cory, too.
Open presents?
Um. . .no, we aren't opening presents this time.
Granny Great?
No, we aren't going to see Granny Great, just Grandpa Brice and Uncle Cory
Motorcycle?
No, the motorcycle is at Granny Great's. We'll visit her soon and you can ride it.
Auntie Skylar?

and so on.

When we arrived, Grandpa Brice was convalescing at the grocery store, so we hung out with Cory until he left for baseball practice. Then, David commenced with asking non-stop where Cory is, so we went out and played with the dogs. When Grandpa Brice got home we ate some pizza, went to see Cory practice, and then went to get some ice cream.

At this point, I have to back up and tell a another story.

A couple of weeks ago, Granny and Grandpa Great took David and out for ice cream. We walked into Baskin Robbins, David looked at me, and said "chocolate?" Who taught David about chocolate ice cream? I have fed the boy ice cream, maybe, twice ever and we don't discuss it around the house. Plus, I am boring. I like vanilla. Specifically Breyers All Natural Vanilla, which is why I really wish Breyers would quit dinking with the vanilla already! I go into Food 4 Less a couple of weeks ago and they have All Natural Extra Creamy Vanilla, All Natural Lactose Free Natural Vanilla, All Natural Homemade Vanilla, French Vanilla, All Natural Light Creamy Vanilla, Heartsmart 98% Fat Free Vanilla, Carbsmart Vanilla, No Sugar Added Vanilla, and All Natural Calcium Rich Natural Vanilla, but no simple, plain, pure, and wonderful All Natural Vanilla! What is wrong with this world?

But, I digress.

Anyway, David developed a raging fiendish appetite for his chocolate ice cream somewhere. He plunges the spoon in for the first bite and pulls up a chunk of ice cream that would give me brain freeze and swallowed it like it was but a wee appetizer. Then, he went to town on the scoop we were sharing as well as the Greats' (who were having Pralines and Cream). So Granny Great tells Grandpa Brice about David's love for the iced cream and Grandpa Brice has to see it for himself. So we go to Brahms. Brahms ice cream is somewhat more firm than most. Since David is still a bit clumbsy with a spoon, you might think that would be a problem and you might be wrong. He was grasping that spoon down at the very base of the handle for maximum leverage and puttin' baby elbow grease into it. The intensity was a little disturbing.

Thing is, ice cream winds David up tight as a knot. Granny and Grandpa didn't get to see or report on that part. When we are done at Brahms, we go to the mall to play on the indoor play ground. We enter through a clothing store and David is so hyper and contrary that half way across the store, I go back to the door and get a cart to contain him. He is vibrating so much he is about to phase into another dimension.

But, when we get to the play area, he suddenly seems like an island of tranquility amidst a raging storm. This play area consists of giant lady bugs, turtles, frogs, and fish, a tree stump with a slipper slide, and a bridge, all covered in three inches of foam rubber, allowing throngs of younin's to hurl themselves about with abandon. The place is at maximum capacity and appears to be a deep pit full of squirming children. David is suddenly quiet and shy. Except when a three-year old girl is on the frog he wants to be on. Then, he is a wife beater.

The mall also has a giant fish tank full of native (read: "ugly") fish, which David won't leave until he has named each one. "Fish daddy! Fish daddy! Fish daddy! (where's Uncle Cory?) Fish daddy!"

Back home Grandpa Brice got to read with him one of the books he has memorized, so he kind of reads along. Then lasagnia, then home, asleep in the car.

my new joke

Q: What do liberal artists eat at home?
A: Left oeuvres

Elmo-itis

Elmo-itis, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

No, you better stay back, it's pretty contagious. The doctor says it will clear up on its own but I have to stop tickling Elmo.

Sams failed escape

Sams failed escape, originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

When cousin Sam said he was going to take his toys and fly away in a hot-air balloon, nobody believed him. If the gondola hadn't snapped off right after launching, he would have made it. He is ok, but his parents aren't forcing him to eat peas anymore.

touche

(a group of teens slink into the movie theatre, walk down and sit on the very front row)

--Did you ever do that?
--Yeah. I saw "Ferris Bueller" second row back over there on the left. It was sold out, so we bought tickets for another film and the snuck--
--You're so old, you saw "Ferris Bueler" in the theatre?
--You're so young, you saw Vanila Ice, live.
--Good one.

projection

What they say about cameras capturing your soul is true for digital cameras as well. It adds about 20 megs to the file.

perplexed

David tries to convince daddy that Geneva Convention forbids my putting him to bed before mommy comes home.

allison naomi david

allison naomi david
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Left: Allison, age three, holds the left ear bud.

Center: Naomi, age 16, holds the mp3 player.

Right: David holds the other ear bud.

You can't tell from the photo, but all are boogying.

EDIT: Alternate caption: "Naomi wins! I didn't say 'Simon says' touch your ear. Allison and David have to do Naomi's dishes for a week."

daily mumps

There must be something in the water in Salt Lake City. The Daily Mumps: way funnier than DJJ.

everest er

Here is an interesting article about Dr. Luanne Freer, president of the society whose business I manage.

then, in a jealous rage, jason moves the family to new york.

From From Daddy Types: "between MoMA and the Met, there's plenty of great Van Gogh for the kid to see F2F. And ID'ing body parts in the Rodin gallery is always fun, as is watching other peoples' faces when your kid says 'That's Rodin.'"

mommy down

-Mommy down!
-How do you ask nicely?
-May I have a mommy down, pweas?
-Say "may"
-I
-Get
-Mommy down pweas
-ok
-noooooo, MOMMY down!

a million little posts

Recent reports in the news compel me to address certain concerns that you may have with the truthfulness of what you read on this Web site.

I assure you that I make every attempt report all of the events herein truthfully and accurately. I suppose you could say I do occasionally embellish some details in order to add to the narrative quality. Some names and details are changed to protect the innocent. I have gone to some effort to eliminate corroborating evidence so as to maintain a certain "wall" of privacy.

But None of the facts reported herein are "fabricated"--I did bellow at the boy. Well, sorta. "David" is not, technically, my son. I suppose, if I were going to be totally open about it, "David" is actually my hampster. Specifically a hampster I had as a child. And, in the interest of full disclosure, "Jaime" is not, technically, my wife, although I am sure I have met someone named Jaime and I am sure that she is somebody's wife.

But, really this blog isn't really about "David" and "Jaime" and "Jason" in a literal sense. Rather, this blog is about the struggle we are all engaged in to love, have relationships, overcome life's difficulties, and find humor and peace. The rest, with all the silly "facts" and "details" is just, well, details. Details that should not be allowed to obscure the overall "truthfulness" of this blog.

I have called this a "blog" from the beginning, and I maintain that. Should Oprah come, a callin', however, I am out.

great photo

I consider this to be one of the best 100 photographs ever captured. It's worthy of Bresson himself. I happened to find this book at B&N for $7.00 the other day. I recognized it because ExhibitsUSA was going to tour an exhibition of the images when I worked for them. I don't think tour ever happened though--lack of demand. Pity. It had some great images. Pity also that you can't see the image larger on your screen. I got to see a very nice, large print of it--even better than in the book. Anyway, enjoy the site, it's got lots of great stuff.

w'ak a' nikki an' cahyin

-Come on, David, it's time to go.
-Hold hand. G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step] G'bye papa! [step]. Wa'k
-Yes, we are walking.
-Wa'k a'Nikki's
-Yes, David, we are walking to Nikki's
-Wa'k. . . wa'k. . . wa'k. . . Big truck! Big truck, daddy, big truck! Wa'k a'Nikkin an Collin. Puppies! Puppies! Puppies! Cahyin!
-Goodbye David
-Ga'bye daddy! Ga'bye daddy!

and once I did get to sleep, I had many freaky dreams

So, I'm feeling lousy at about 5:00 yesterday evening and am faced with this dilemma: NyQuil or DayQuil. Should I risk being sleepy and therefore grumpy for the next three or four hours before I go to bed, or should I risk lying in bed awake and buzzing until midnight? I decided that the risk of being kept awake by DayQuil was minimal and was outweighed by the risk of bellowing at my wife and child (satisfying though it may be). So I decided on DayQuil. Jaime put David to bed two hours later. I went to be two hours after that. At around midnight, I decided that I had made the wrong decision.

today, i bellowed

I discovered a new disciplinary technique today--yelling at the top of my lungs. Wow, that is some powerful stuff. David is more-or-less getting over being sick but he still has a cough. Jaime and I, on the other hand, have heads more full of snot than anything else. Jaime is nauseous to boot. So we are way low energy. Way. Low. David, however, has movement and mischief to make up for, so he has dispensed with listening to me at all. For awhile, I was content with establishing reasonable boundaries and disciplining him when he crosses them. By the end of the day, however, I decided it would be easier to just scream.

And it worked.

Try it sometime. Sneak up on someone who is not expecting it, someone whom you don't normally yell at, someone who is ignoring you and who is yelling loudly about your attempts to enforce reasonable boundaries. Just bellow at him like a stuck walrus.

Shuts him right up, let me tell you.

peaceful evening

Last night, I sat on the couch with David in my lap. He had his puzzles spread out over my legs and sat quietly and contentedly, leaning against my chest, playing with the dinosaurs, domestic animals, and modes of transportation. I divided my attention between running a motorcycle up his arm and reading my book. Jaime sat at the other end of the couch reading her book. It was a picture family bliss.

You guessed it, David is sick. He woke up from a short nap with a gurgly tummy, threw up during a bicycle ride, and developed a fever. He alternatively slept and sat around all afternoon and evening, sad and lethargic. It was a pitiful site.

I, too, was under the weather after an earlier incident involving the planet Earth ripping my bike out from under me and slamming itself against my ribs. Stupid planet.

So we just sat quietly on the couch.

Then, David threw up on me.

sleepy hobby

David has skipped his nap four days in a row. By the time I get home, he is completely delirious--unable to decide whether to cry or laugh at any particular moment. So is Jaime. Last night, I took him to the library. The change of environment, lower stimulation, and big open spaces calmed him down a bit. As long as he didn't touch the books, I let him wander about and more or less decide our agenda (I know that sounds silly, not touching books in a library, but our library is a post-literate institution with a great deal of non-book-related space). In the art gallery, he identified things like "tree," "horse," "abstracted representation of the artist's subconscious fear of his mother," etc.. More enjoyable was laying on the bench and commanding me to alternately sit down and stand up over and over again.

His other new sleep-related hobby is waking in the middle of the night and crying loudly for his mother.

Tales of Christmas 2005

Over the next week or so I hope to post all the little stories of our adventures in Colorado.

Episode One: KCI

By the end of a long semester David and I were ready for some R&R. The day we headed out to the airport I made sure to wear my back brace to avoid excess pain while airport hopping. Had I known this would be my downfall before I even left Kansas I would have left it behind.

As David and I began to make our way through the security check I was informed to unpack my carry-on because I had a video camera in the bag. Slight increase in blood pressure because I had meticulously packed the bag and all the food was on top. So, with a line of people behind me, out comes the food, camera, off with the shoes and belt, and out comes David from the stroller so they can x-ray all of it. Maybe now would be a good time to mention that I am traveling alone and I now have a 21mo old child running loose.

I send David through the metal detector first and he passes. As I go through the alarm goes off. No problem, go through again. Alarm again. Now I start getting suspicious looks from the security twits.

They asked me to step aside and stand in the circle while they "wand" me. At this point I tell them it's probably my back brace which has set off the alarm and I'm more than willing to take it off to show it to them. At one point I pick David up because he is running wild and they snap at me because I just "contaminated" him. Everyone in this audience knows that happened a long time ago but by this point I am really getting steamed.

Nobody offers to help with David while I put up with the examination. Nobody offers to help as I dash to clothe myself and re-pack the carry-on. Nobody offers to help extract David from behind the security x-ray line.

Finally we get on the plane and as fate would have it I get placed right behind a not so understanding older gentleman. This was normally the time of day David runs and plays so asking him to hold perfectly still on a plane was pushing my luck, which obviously ran out before the day really got started.

The flight was pretty packed but I thought I saw some seats empty towards the front so I asked the attendant if David and I could move so he could have his own seat. I was mistaken and there was only one seat open, surrounded by older individuals, so I figured there really was no point. The attendant asked if I would like her to mention moving to the man I was annoying. I figured he would take that as an insult so I almost begged her not to say anything. She didn't listen and after he got done refusing to move I distinctly heard him say "why the hell should I have to move just cuz she can't control her son". After that I had thoughts of giving David a good shake and throwing him into the man's lap for the rest of the trip to see what kind of luck he had "controlling" a 21mo old on a plane.

To be continued..........

chucky sushi

Jaime tried sushi tonight for the first time ever and Skylar got to be there. She compared it to being there when Jaime gave birth to her first child. I missed something in the comparison but I was distracted by the wasabi.

Apearantly, Skylar took David to Chucky Cheese today--one of those black holes of frenetic child-oriented noise mascarading as "family entertainment." David didn't take to it as readily as I would have expected him to. Good for him.

free association christmas

I've been told that I haven't posted in awhile. I don't know. After a certain length of time, I stop even checking to see when the last post was. Thing is, I don't really have a lot of time to post right now. So I will try to cover the holiday season in a series of short, freely associated thoughts as they come to me. Enjoy:

Nearly peeing his pants he was so anxious to unwrap gifts. Eventually, he would just go to the pile under the tree, touch a present, look at me and say "wait!"

Each gift consumed his whole world. We could have stopped with the first one.

That tube (pictured below) springs like a tightly-wound spring (being composed of a tightly-wound spring, and all). Nevertheless, he was gleefully half-way down it before it was fully extended for the first time.

"Aunt" in Spanish (David's second language) is tia. We tried to teach David to call his aunt Tina, Tia Tina. So she became "Tina Tina!"

Decending the hill on the sled with him laughing and giggling hysterically.

I thought he would not like the spray of snow in the face and the tipping over that inevitably ends all sled rides. But he just laughed harder and squeeled "fall down!"

Switching from "Tia Tina" to Aunt Skylar was a bit difficult, but Skylar played along.

We saw "King Kong." "Masterpiece" is the perfect word.

Nina and Papa got him Leggos. "blocks! Blocks! blocks!"

Enough airplanes and helecopter to compose a small fleet. One airplane is hand-crafted wood and too nice to be an everyday toy.

Hand-crafted, purple, motorcycle, rocker! God bless the American penal system!

Sometime soon, boxing up old toys to make way for new.

Pictures of Colorado follow. I also have some pictures Christmas in Kansas, but fewer. I see these people all the time.

Enjoy.

David on the sled

David on the sled
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David on the sled

David on the sled
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Steve David Hildy

Steve David Hildy
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David pulling the sled

David pulling the sled
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

fall down!

fall down!
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Tunnel

Tunnel
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Family

Family
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

I promise, prints (and printably-sized images) will come to Colorado (and Washington) soon!

one more on the list of guys i envy

Robert Kerley. By day--mild-mannered database manager, by night--manager of boogie. Last week, he played with a jazz ensemble here in town. Tomorrow night, I'm going to see him with Curly's Roadhouse Revue. You should hire him to write the music for that computer game you are developing.

Robert is also my primary bike-talk conversation partner.

A sphere wrapped up in a ball within a circle

Val writes about me writing about her.

lonesome

It sure is lousy being you.

They say that you should never judge another person until you have walked a mile in their shoes, or read their blog, or read your own blog from their point of view.

If you follow me.

David and Jaime are in Colorado to experience Grandma Susie in real life rather than as a disembodied voice that comes out of the phone. So I am utterly alone--except for Mom and Alex and Tuff and Abbie. I think they will forgive me for saying that it is not the same. To help sooth my lonesome heart, I thought I would read the blog. But it hasn't been updated in, like, two weeks. Even the pictures, though the most adorable on the Web, are dated and two weeks in toddler time is even longer than in tech time. Those responsible should be shot.

David and Jaime are doing well, I hear. I talk to both of them daily. They have snow and a dog and a jacuzi tub and a great big cat. For the commuter flight from Denver to Eagle, they had to walk out to the plane on the tarmac. It was running and very noisy and scared David. He is also scared of the water jets on the tub. Actually, it a little funny and a little refreshing to see him shy away from something. At this point, he is doing gymnastics on the stairs and tries to ride the dogs. So it is actually a relief to see him show a little bit of caution every now and again.

I will leave on Thursday morning to go see them, but I am spending the night tomorrow at Jason's, so I will not be able to update. Not that you will notice the difference--apparently.

David offers a bud

David offers music
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Music! music!

David discovers iPod
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David Nina Emma

David Nina Emma
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Emma is David's second cousin on mom's side of the family.

David and Samuel

David and Samuel 2
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

The weekend before Thanksgiving, we had lunch at the lovely home of Jaime's cousin, Michelle. David played with his second cousin, Samuel, who is about 36 hours older than D and has a sybling on the way.

David tumbles

David tumbles
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David gets tossed by Jaime's aunt Marilyn.

David and Samuel discuss a Ball

David and Samuel discuss a Ball
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

3 balls

3 balls
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Samuel tumbles

Samuel tumbles
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

This is Samuel, David's cousin getting tossed by his grandmother on Thanksgiving

Nina's hat

Nina's hat
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Nina's hat 3

Nina's hat 3
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Nina's hat 2

Nina's hat 2
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

untitled

untitled
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

Something like a month ago, David and I met Valerie, Alexander, and Sebastian at the Zoo. It was not only a coming together of friends and families, but also a coming together of blogs. Val brought her camera. I have titled this "untitled" because it strikes me a strangely artsy and subtly narrative image. But what is going on? It is a mystery.

Joy

Backdrop: David has been working hard to memorize the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Usually I say the first part, he says "howonderare", then I say Up above the world so high, then he says "likedimondinSKY", and then I finish.

Last night David and I were driving to Lawrence to meet Grandpa Bear, Grandma Kim, Jane, Mark, and Zach for a pre Christmas dinner. As we drove down I-70 he saw a giant blue lit star in someone's back yard.

"TWINKLE STAR!!! TWINKLE STAR!!! TWIIINNKLE STAR!!! (Evil laugh, evil laugh, all the while hyperventilating.)

"Mommy do it! Mommy do it!"

So we began to sing. After he had warmed up we actually managed to sing it together for the first time. He did it all except for the last line. I was so thrilled and happy I almost cried.

Shortly after that he spotted a train. The tracks happen to form a bridge which we then drove under.

Between seeing the start and driving Under a train I thought the little guy would burst in the back seat from joy.

Thank you David for my early Christmas gift.
Love Mom.

fine, thank you

With a car wreck every two miles on the highway, it took me forever to get home last night. When I walked in, I was greeted by a worried wife, a huge dog that decided that he must bark his fool head clean off. Then David started squeeling in the other room and came running up to me at full speed and volume until he hit my legs like an enthusiastic little tornado siren.

Nina spent the evening working on this:

"David, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you."

Sometime in the middle of the night I heard him talking--either awake or in his sleep, I'm not sure--"Old MacDonald E I O, Old MacDonald E I O" over and over.

no titu pwease

Sometime in the past week or so, David matured. It is difficult to notice when this happens but suddenly one day, he is able to do a bunch of stuff that he wasn't doing so long ago. It's kind of like when your wife gets her hair cut and, a couple of weeks later, you notice something different, but can't quite put your finger on it. Or at least that is what I hear from other guys with other wives. I don't have that problem. In my life, the wife getting a hair cut is an event on par with the 12 major feasts days of the church.

So David's new mature thing is sentences. Not the old sentences that we carefully teach him like "Cookie, please." He is saying new sentences that has simply heard recently and is repeating.

Examples:

• If anyone expresses excitement or emotion (interjections), he asks, "wh'happ'n [daddy]?" (what happened, daddy?)
• The other day I totally lost my patience with his screaming about some thing or another and told him to shut up. I felt terrible, really. My payment--"shut up, daddy" every so often.
• "Come'ere [daddy]." (come here, daddy)
• "Sit down, [mommy]."
• "Move, please, [Nina]"
• "No titu, please" (no thank you, please)

This last one requires some explanation. Sometimes we ask questions that are actually rhetorical, like "would you like to go to bed now?" Other times we ask something like, "would you like an apple?" It is an honest question, but he thinks it is merely us informing him of his fate. He whines, "Noooo." I explain that the answer is "No, thank you" or "Yes, please." Well, he doesn't have it sorted out and so he has come up with "No, thank you please."

He has more sentences, I promise, but I can't remember them. Generally, his frequency and level of parroting others has really increased lately, sometimes to the degree that it is difficult to carry on a conversation because he just repeats whatever you are saying rather than actually replying.

Better late than never

I hope you have not been waiting on the edge of your seat wanting to know how David did with the surgery.

If so, you should know better considering the authors of this site.

I am happy to report that David pulled through with flying colors.

The day started at 5:30am when Jason and I seriously questioned why we were doing this. After all, antibiotic shots to the legs aren't so bad. But after much prodding we finally got out of bed and an hour later woke up the D.

As we entered the admission area at the hospital we saw three other binky clad toddlers, blurry eyed and wanting to go back home. When we got back to our pre-op room the nurse informed us that David would be the third child to go back. (Two hours AFTER we got there) In the mean time we were given a wagon to pass the time with. At one point David sat down, looked up at me and pat the seat in front of him saying "mommy ride, mommy ride". After demonstrating that my rear would not fit in the wagon with him he agreed that it would be best if I just pulled him around.

Jason and I took turns going to eat breakfast as we knew David would kill us and devour our food if we tried to eat in front of him. I took second shift and just as I was about to go the nurse came in wanting to give David the oral sedative. Thus Jason scored the best part of the day with Drunken Baby David while I ate hospital food and had a cup of bad coffee. Lets just say David hasn't been that cute since he was 9mo old.

Just as I came back the nurse arrived to steal my baby. Then we waited and waited. After a bit we were taken to the little closet where the magical doctor appears from behind a door and informs you that your child (insert name) has had a successful (insert procedure) and within (insert time frame) should be up and running like normal. Then we went back to the waiting room, were saved by Granny and Grandpa Great with some wonderful cinnamon rolls and finally the nurse came to get one of us to meet David in the recovery room.

When I got to the recovery room David was a crying mess. As the nurse handed him to me she asked if he was a "daddy's boy". I said no and she stated he had been asking for daddy ever since he woke up. He tried about a hundred times to rip off the heart monitor they had taped to his toe and they finally let us leave after he sucked down half a cup of water. In our post-op room he sucked down two containers of apple juice and started threatening to hurt people if we did not provide a cookie or steak soon. We were out of there and home by 10am.

David proceeded to throw the biggest fit after we got home. I couldn't even hand him a cookie he was so upset. He remained pretty touchy the rest of the day (as long as I was around) until he finally went to sleep around 3:30 or 4:00. Before he went to sleep he managed to reach up and unscrew a light bulb from the socket which is right above his crib. I of course freaked out so that evening the three of us rearranged the bedroom. At one point his crib was pushed up against our bed and David finally put two and two together and started crawling in and out of the crib. Every time he did this the crib would roll away from the bed and one time he got going without one of us standing there and slipped between the bed and crib. Luckily he has practiced this move before and managed a perfect tuck roll maneuver.

All that's left is to practice our blow dart skills so we can sedate him before giving him ear drops in both ears twice daily.

Give me Ham on five, hold the Mayo

I wanted to update everyone on David's surgery.

He is to be at Saints on Thursday at 6:30am. The surgery will be at 8:30. After they are done he will be transferred up to the eigth floor pediatric unit for recovery until "mid afternoon".

Here's to a little bit o pain for mucho gain and No More Ear Infections!!!!

autumn

autumn-davidoverrail.jpg
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

I've posted some new photos of the boy. Jaime took these over the weekend while papa was rakin' leaves

tubed

David is still (again) sick (er?). Let's see if I can remember what all has happened. At the end of last week, he had a cold. The there was the barfing. A trip to the doctor revealed another infection in both ears. Then his eye swelled up and started leaking goo. So he was on antibiotics for his ears as well as an antibiotic ointment for his eye. Through the course of the week, he seemed to just get more sick. This last weekend he seemed to really feel worse. This could partially be because we also started him on an antihistamene (sp?), which makes him sleepy. He and I stayed home from church on Sunday. On Monday (yesterday), we reached the end of the antibiotic regimen with no improvement. Jaime took him to the doctor again. She scolded us.

See, the ENT recommended tubes to us over a month ago. We have seen of success with chiropractors who are able to make an adjustment that opens up the tube that runs from the ears to the throat. Drainage problems in these tubes that cause ear infections. The pat answer is that these tubes are short, flattened, and at the wrong angle in toddlers so they don't drain properly so kids get ear infections so there. But I'm not satisfied with that assumption. Could there be something else causing the problems? I wanted to investigate this. Sometimes, food allergies could be the cause, othertimes, just a little adjustment is needed.

Well, our doctor has ordered a stop to the investigating (to the degree that she is able). Tubes. Now. So, he is going to the ENT again tomorrow. But he still has a raging ear infection--two of them. Our options: 14 days of nasty-tasting oral antibiotics, or three days of shots, two of them, in the thighs.

Which did we choose?

Well, David is normally great about medicine. You see, researches waited until you and I grew up and then, when all was clear, created medicines for kids that taste really good. David equates medicine with treats. At least he used to until we tried to give him kids Robitusen (sp?) last week. They didn't get the "tastes great" memo and it was like feeding him a dead fish. Since then, all medicines have been akin to getting a cat to eat hot coals. And I mean that for David. He is just a miserable screaming thrashing beast. So we voted (which is to say Jaime decided) on the shots. They cause an equal amount of trauma, if not less, and it is only three days.

So we will be getting tubes put in David's ears. For those of you not familiar with the procedure--what cave have you been hiding in? Essentially there is a chamber in the ear behind the ear drum. It is where the ear guitars and other sound equipment is kept. Fluid gets into this chamber--I forget how, the levies break, or something. In a normal person, this fluid simply drains down a little tube into the throat where it gets hacked up with other lugie material. In David's ear, this fluid cannot drain for reasons that doctors apparently don't care about. It sits there, creating the warm, moist environment favored by germs. Germs grow and pressure builds up and the infection spreads into other chambers in the head until the pressure is so great that one of these chambers burst open, showering the brain with germs resulting in an inability to turn left. If you poke a hole in the ear drum, that fluid can drain out and everything is groovy until the ear drum heals itself. Then you start over again. So, the doctor, who has taken an oath to do no harm, pokes a hole in the ear drum and then places a little tube in that hole to prevent it from healing, leaving a hole there for swimming pool water to get to the brain. This creates a disorder called "water on the brain," which causes the patient to like movies like "Waterworld" and "Swimfan."

If that is just too technical for you, then read this.

you can probably smell it from where you are

Oh, gross. And I don't mean gross like, "ew." I mean gross like "oh, the humanity." Sinking, burning metaphors-of-mankind's-hubris levels of disgusting, foul, rotten, grossness.

It wasn't just the volume, although it was easily in the top three for his lifetime. It wasn't just the smell, even though I'm going to need smelling salts to get rid of the memory. It wasn't just the texture even though we could market that texture to a house of horrors.

About 40 minutes ago, David woke up crying inconsolably. Jaime had been trying and trying to comfort him to no avail. She was in the bedroom rocking him and I was working at the computer since I am useless during these situations with my current, nearly presidential, lack of popularity in the 0-2 age range.

Then I heard a noise. This is the funny thing--I didn't note hearing a noise at the time that I heard it. It was kind of like noticing the heater turn off even though you did not notice it was on. I couldn't describe the noise now, but it registered for later use. Specifically one second later, when Jaime called for help.

"That was the sound of barf hitting the floor," I thought to myself as I rushed from the office, "a lot of it."

Specifically, everything he ate today looking almost like the first time we saw it, but with extra grossness added, and smelling like long-dead animals. I ran in and grabbed towels and began catching what continued to come out of him in a slow, unforced way. It wasn't so much throwing up as it was simply giving it back--with a smell.

He felt better after that. We mega-cleaned while he sat on the bed, sipped water, and played with keys.

After half a box of wipes, a laundry load of clothes, towels, and unfortunate stuffed animals, Jaime is coaxing him back to sleep.

I can still smell the smell.

Update: 6:30 am 11.3.05: he awoke again at 1:00 am crying and crying. Again, Jaime was trying to console him. We were discussing options. She said he was sick. I said I didn't really think so. David broke the tie vote by barfing again! Cheney should do that on the Senate floor next time they are deadlocked. Court clerk, "On S.659--The Human Chimera Prohibition Act of 2005" the vote is 42-42. How do you vote, mr. Vice-President?"
Cheney: "[technicolor cough]"
Clerk: "um, is that a yay or ney?"

Three good GK Chesterton quotes about art

"Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame."

"Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere."

"Artistic temperament is the disease that afflicts amateurs."

October 31, 2005

For those regular committed readers who have been with us from the beginning I owe you an apology.

If you will remember this time one year ago we posted some fairly gruesome pictures of our son's first October 31 Family Fun Night. I bet you thought we could never top that. Unfortunately we did and if you can believe it, the pictures are even worse and due to our state's child protective service laws I am unable to publish those photos on this site.

Lets just say that it was not uncommon to feed early Christains to the lions. David became the unwitting victim of a ferocious man eating lion named Ben. Don't be fooled by the mild mannered name. This lion was a total killer.

Trust me, you do not want to see the pictures.

On the bright side we will be holding auditions for the "New David" starting later this week. After much consideration Jason and I have decided that the "New David" needs to be as cute as the original, however he would not need to be quite as smart, clever, and free willed as the previous David was becoming. Any information or referrals are more than welcome. Open audition calls will start Friday.

Blessed are those

I guess a few weeks ago David learned how to say "bless you". I thought we made it clear that you are to say this after someone sneezes. Aparently he didn't quite catch the specifics and now he says "bless you (insert name)" after any bodily function type noise.

Me: cough
David: Bless you mommy!

Me: (blow nose)
David: Bless you mommy!

Me: (clearing throat)
David: Bless you mommy!

Sometimes he just gets into a riff and says "bless you mommie, bless you daddy, bless you nina", about a hundred times.

So this morning I am lying in bed trying very hard not to cough and failing. I turned my head into the pillow and coughed a few times. Just after I finished my sleeping child said "bless you mommy".

thank you

thank you
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

I'm enjoying m&ms as I post this.

Round baby

David (mumbling, wandering about): "round, round, round"
Jason: "You spend me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby--"
Jaime: "I think he is refering to 'wheels on the bus'"
Jason: . . . (to the tune of Dead or Alive) "The wheels on the bus go right round baby, right round, like a record baby round. . ."

Ariel Sharon: "Wipe Iran off of Google."

Israeli prime minister escalates mid-east rhetoric with threat of indexcide.

In a press conference Tel Aviv, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon turned up the heated rhetoric with Iran by threatening to "De-index Iran from Google." Responding to reporters' repeated questions about his response to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's threat to "wipe Israel of the map," Sharon was derisive: "who cares about maps any more? You want to get rid of someone? Huh? Well we'll see about that. how about we wipe all references to Iran from Google searches?" he continued, referring the popular internet search engine. "How about removing all books that make any reference to Iran Google Print, all images from Google Images, all groups that contain reference to Iran from Google Groups, no Iranian products purchasable through Froogle, and yes, complete removal of Iran from Google Maps? 'Wipe Israel of the map'? Ha! By the time we are done with them, no one will even know Iran exists--or at least they won't be able to confirm it. Iran will be relegated to the obscurity of second-rate resources like Yahoo search, Alta Vista, and the Encyclopedia Britannica. Wikipedia won't even know what information is correct and what is not."

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan voice strong concern for the increased intensity in the developing war of words. "Like Iran, Israel needs to remember that they have vowed not to threaten the use of force against another state. This includes acts of information indexcide. I am dismayed that Sharon, who has otherwise been an active advocate for peace in his time as Prime Minister, would threaten these measures."

Many believe that Sharon's comments about removing Iran from all Google searches are more than empty rhetoric. Many human rights organizations have confirmed fears that the Israeli Secret police may be developing such technology. They site evidence that that a former president of Palestine cannot be confidently identified. "We know that Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas is fairly new, so someone must have held the position before him. But we can't currently confirm with our normal research methods--namely a Google search. This seems extremely suspicious."

2

Sorry it's been so long since the last post. I got a new bicycle. More about that later, but suffice to say I have been occupying my time with bicycle-related stuff rather than composing play-by-play about the boy.

David turned two this weekend, which is a great surprise to us since he is only 19 months old. Apparently he decided to simply round up. By "2" I mean willful, contrary, defiant, demanding and endlessly repetitive. A typical conversation goes like this: "morepleasemorepleasemorepleasemorepleasemorepleasemorepleasemoreplease, etc."

This was a bad weekend. One that involved Jaime giving me a pep talk about how we have gotten used to David's unusually good behavior and maybe our expectations are a little too high. I suppose she is right, but I am skeptical. He can string together three words now, so when I say "jump," "how high" should be well within his grasp.

It makes me feel terrible when I lose my patience with him. So, I spent most of the weekend feeling terrible. I know that any stranger is amazed by his level of cooperation and comprehension and he is still very charming, but he has taken to simply doing what I ask him not to just to gauge my reaction.

Enough whining. Developmental moment stories:

We were at Cabella's on Saturday. They have these display bins that are wire cages that sit on the floor and are about 36" deep, which they fill with sundry merchandise. A couple of them were filled with large pillows shaped like fish. We played with them for awhile until I got bored and moved us along to something else. David wanted to play with the fish some more, so he ran back to the display kennel and proceeded to climb up the outside. Seeing no obvious danger, I spotted him in case he slipped but didn't actually touch him. He climbed all the way up and flopped himself over the top into the pile of pillows. This would be his first vertical climb. If you have never been in Cabella's you should understand that the store is filled with more stuffed dead animals that actually exist even in nature. Our environment suffers from a lost of biodiversity and most of it is at Cabella's. Of course this is a dreamland for David.
(Loudly) "Cow!"
"No, that is a deer"
"deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer! deer!" etc. as we wandered through until every deer in the store was correctly identified--approximately 3,200 of them. Of course it comes out of his mouth as "deeow," which is very very cute and charmed the wool socks with microfiber sweat-wicking lining off of every outdoorsperson in the room. They have a several enormous glass-fronted aquariums just full of fish, every single one of which David had to identify as such. There is also a turtle not to be overlooked.

Later, deer fans.

eulogy

I just got an email from the son of a member of one of the scientific associations I work with. He is notifying the association that his father has died. He ends with these lines:

He was a wonderfully talented and curious scientist. He was an even better father.

I hope that, when I die, my children will be able to describe me as wonderful in some aspect of life, and even better at fatherhood.

funny looking?

I am playing aroud with the format of this blog. If it is causing a problem for you, please let me know.

StumbleUpon this

There is something fun about David at the end of this post.

But first.

Do you want to increase the value of the time you spend on the internet 10-fold? StumbleUpon is your answer. It works like this--sign up and activate your interests from hundreds of different categories. I personally have 85 different topics of interest chosen. StumbleUpon puts a few buttons on your tool bar (may be Firefox only, I don't know). You can select "all" or one of your catagories and then hit the "StumbleUpon" button and it takes to a random site within that catagory or categories. The sites are ranked and reviewed by other users. Then you click "like it" or "not-for-me." If you like it, it bookmarks the site for you. You can write reviews, suggests sites, etc etc etc. It is one of the best things browsing tools I have found. I found it at the Firefox extensions site.

If you are not using Firefox, then Collaborative Rank is similar, I believe. It works with del.icio.us, another service that I use. Which means that I am going to have to evaluate both, determine which is best, and stick with it or I risk suffering toolbar creep.

Back to our story.

David's fun new game is to throw mommy's bathrobe over his head, completely covering himself from head to toe, and then walk around. He can just barely see through the cloth. He looks like either cousin It, ET in the ghost outfit, or a young girl learning to use her burka.

laid-off dad

Have I mentioned this before? Blogger is acting like I have. Anywho, I would like to direct your attention to a daddy blog that is becoming one of my favorites--Laid-Off Dad. Fairly humorous, insightful and generally PG13 without the fears of wondering in to AC17 areas that Dooce so often does.

Enjoy, and then return.

inertia

If you ask David to please back up, which you will have to do if you are holding anything that is interesting to him, he will simply walk backwards until he encounters an equal or greater force.

Fortunately, when he was backing towards the front porch steps, the force with which I grabbed him was equal to or greater than that of gravity.

it's just me

David is playing with the baby/dog gate when I get home. He has been told not to, so I take it away. This upsets him and he begins to cry. I ask him to go upstairs, please, so that he can play while I talk to Jaime and change clothes. He dallies at the bottom of the stairs, so I pick him up, which sends him.

When I set him down in the bedroom he is wailing and screaming with such intensity he can hardly breath and he falls slowly and dramatically to the floor where he screams and kicks his feet. Jaime and I are dutifully ignoring him, but it ain't working. Finally, she sits down in the rocking chair. He gets up and walks to her, flopping down in her lap, still sobbing. She asks him what is wrong.

Wailing, he replies, "Daaaadddddyyyyyy! (sob) Daaaaaadddddyyyy."

Walk

Walk
Originally uploaded by jandjgilbert.

David and I went for a walk this evening and I took the camera. As

usual, this image is looking glass that will transport you to a world

of images with a click of your ruby mouse (if I may mix my metaphors).